236 Co-Creating Magnificent Sex
Playing With Fire
Their 18-month sexual slump
Jolie and Ken describe their prolonged sexual drought and how it threatened their relationship dynamic.
What happens when two relationship experts who teach others about intimacy find themselves in an 18-month sexual drought? We recently emerged from what we affectionately call "the swamp"—a period where our once-vibrant sexual connection became strained, disconnected, and frankly disappointing. Despite having all the professional knowledge about creating great sex, we found ourselves stuck in patterns that weren't working, and the solutions weren't immediately obvious.
It was a profound opportunity for growth and understanding–the experience taught us that magnificent sex isn't something you figure out once and then have forever. It requires ongoing attention, vulnerability, and a willingness to return to basics when things get off track.
In this episode, we talk about:
— What "magnificent sex" actually means (hint: it's about soul-shaking connection, not just technique)
— The four key elements that create truly magnificent sexual experiences
— How even sex educators can lose track of their own erotic needs and desires
— Why our sexual "swamp" developed and the surprisingly simple interventions that helped us find our way out
— The power of written requests on index cards for neurodivergent communication patterns
— The importance of reconnecting with your own core erotic themes rather than just focusing on your partner's
— How to create containers of safety that allow for vulnerability and presence
— Why aftercare matters and how to customize it for each partner's specific needs
— The value of accommodating different communication and memory styles in sexual contexts
— Practical ways to rebuild connection
Resources mentioned in this episode:
— Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers by Peggy Kleinplatz and Dana Ménard
— The Erotic Mind by Jack Morin
— Transcendent Sex by Jenny Wade
— The Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin
— Joli's Sexual Shadow Masterclass
— Our episode on Nurturing Established Relationship Energy
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Music: Dance of Felt by Blue Dot Sessions
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