The Magic Montra - I'm Only in Charge of Me, I'M Not in Charge of You

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This is likeyo, rats are going to be jnow, just in your room. There ares wertsli. Oh, my god, how can you live in this? But that's the ego, right? That's the ego its. And em, this is one of those things where i just go, given, given what sue has said, i'm ight go. It's also thi element of saying, all right, obviously it's not working, cause it still does. I mean, this has been years andtat the behavior hasn't changed. Well, i need to try something, obviously. You know, i'm not very good at learning

Many of us struggle with the demands of parenting. Our response to feeling overwhelmed can be to try and control our kids’ behavior. But guest Sue Donnellan challenges us to lessen our parenting load by giving our children more control, more responsibility and ultimately more respect. While this might go against our instincts, when we take ownership of our own behavior, rather than controlling our kids', we will become happier parents with children able to learn from their mistakes.

Sue Donnellan is the recent author of “Secrets to Parenting Without Giving a F^ck: The Non-Conformist Playbook to Raising Happy Kids Without Public Meltdowns, Power Struggles, & Punishments”. With the surprise arrival of her triplets, Sue had suddenly found herself parenting 4 young kids while also running her own business. She walks us through the moment that radically changed her parenting style, and how she transformed herself into a "reformed yeller". Over the years, Sue's journey of discovery has turned her into a parenting specialist who is known for restoring harmony to homes.

Please note that because of the title of our guest’s book on this episode, there is a lot of colorful language used throughout the podcast. While it’s an episode about parenting, you may want to tune in to this one, away from little ears!

At Behavioral Grooves we really value all of our listeners. If you want to demonstrate your support for our show, you can donate to our work through Patreon. We also love reading reviews of the podcast, and frequently read these out on the show.

Topics

(3:44) Welcome and speed round questions.

(8:49) What is parenting without giving a f^ck?

(11:53) Sues’ parenting journey and why she wrote the book.

(16:36) Why do parents struggle to let go of control?

(19:00) What is The Magic Mantra?

(22:32) Choice architecture in parenting.

(26:04) Dealing with parental guilt.

(29:44) What is 360 decision making?

(35:54) The 4 Fs of parenting.

(39:53) What music would Sue take to a desert island?

(45:09) Grooving Session with Kurt and Tim about parenting.

Links

Sue Donnellan’s book: “Secrets to Parenting Without Giving a F^ck: The Non-Conformist Playbook to Raising Happy Kids Without Public Meltdowns, Power Struggles, & Punishments”: https://amzn.to/3wR0Llw

Follow Sue Donnellan on Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter with the handle @AskMomParenting

The Zeigarnik Effect: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zeigarnik_effect

Sesil Pir, Episode 281, Why Leaders Need To Care For People, Not Manage Them: https://behavioralgrooves.com/episode/care-for-people-not-manage-them/

Behavioral Grooves Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/behavioralgrooves

Musical Links

Sade “Smooth Operator”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TYv2PhG89A

Sade “Cherish The Day”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKhfoKOTwZY