How to Attract More Women When You're Not Using That Language

I am all kinds of excited today.

It’s been a challenging few weeks with everything going on with my back (and if you missed that, you can read/listen to what’s going on in the last podcast episode).

I did my border run to Nicaragua, which went really smoothly, but man was I exhausted afterward.

Fortunately, I was smart and planned to take care of myself the day after. I didn’t have any calls and allowed myself to go with the flow. Which pretty much meant working at my desk as long as possible and then moving to my bed- regardless of the time of day.

I brought a cooler with my ice packs for the journey, which made all the difference in the world.

Now I’m set for another 90-days. Which is so close to Christmas, but I’ll still have to do one more border run before I go to California in early December. I will apply for Costa Rica’s digital nomad visa after the holidays.

The digital nomad visa will allow me to stay in the country for a year without border runs, open a bank account here (bye-bye international fees!), get a driver’s license, and be a part of the national health care system here (called Caja).

I’ll pay into Caja, but I’m happy to do so.

Now that all that is out of the way, I can focus on business again.

I have 3 weeks until my back surgery, and it’s game on! There’s something about knowing you have a ‘sprint’ ahead of you with an end date (even if it’s just for a week) that makes it much more manageable to stay focused.

Now that you’re all caught up let’s get into Shutting the Door on Self-Doubt.

Shutting the door on self-doubt came up on a call with my therapist this morning (I’ve jokingly said that I will have to pay her royalties at some point 

).

We were talking about a new project I’m working on, and I was sharing my challenges with naming it. If you’ve ever been stuck on naming something, you know what I mean (and if you haven’t been stuck, can you share your secret with me?).

I had picked a name (or so I thought) for my new project, and two of my dear friends in this space whom I completely trust asked me if that name was right. The whole thing came about because I had hired a couple of people to have logos made.

Nothing felt right.

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Instead of trying to figure it out with the existing name, my friends asked if I could use a different name.

Holy lightbulb moment!!! 

I solved this (and will share the name and what it is) within the next month, but I returned to a book I read years ago when I wanted to name something else.

The book is called “Hello, My Name is Awesome” by Alexandra Watkins.

Side note: Go to her website for some before and after name makeovers her company has done. Her website is “Eat My Words,” and I LOVE the tagline on her site: “Your brand name shouldn’t look like someone got drunk and played Scrabble.” 

I highly recommend the book.

It’s pretty short (about 128 pages). She gives many examples of companies she’s worked with, brands needing help, and then very specific exercises for coming up with your name. And yes, she “names names.”

She has something she calls the ‘Smile & Scratch’ test.

I’m going to share those here with you (in hopes that it inspires you to get the book for yourself and do the exercises).

Ready?

The “Smile & Scratch” test by Alexandra Watkins:

Here are the 5 qualities of a super sticky name (this is the smile test):

1. Suggestive: it evokes something about your brand.
2. Memorable: Makes an association with the familiar.
3. Imagery: Aids memory through evocative visuals.
4. Legs: lends itself to a theme for extended mileage.
5. Emotional: it moves people.

Now let’s look at the 7 deal breakers (this is the ‘scratch test):

1. Spelling challenged: It looks like a typo.
2. Copycat: Resembles a competitor’s name.
3. Restrictive: Limits future growth.
4. Annoying: It seems forced.
5. Tame: Feels flat, descriptive, uninspired.
6. Curse of knowledge: Speaks only to insiders.
7. Hard to pronounce: Confuses and distances customers.

I went through all of this and all the exercises in a book (it’s a bit of a process, but so worth the time to do it right).

What does this have to do with self-doubt?

Everything.

My friends had suggested I needed to bring more of “me” into the name.

The thing with this brand is that while I will have my name on it, I want it to feel more like a company brand and not a personal brand.

The only way I can grow this the way I want is through hiring the right people and removing myself from being the only voice of the brand.

I’ve watched countless others do this over the past few years (removing themselves as the only voice of the brand), making a ton of sense. I want to keep KimDoyal.com going and growing, so starting with a team is imperative.

This is why I was hesitant to bring more of myself into it.

Well, that and the fact that I was scared.

It might not seem like it, but I hold myself back in many ways with my business. I don’t want to offend anyone, so I play it safe.

I share my opinions about things when it’s safe (or soft), and my time has come.

Let me give you a few examples:

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Targeting:

Since I started my business, my audience has been split pretty 50/50 in terms of males and females. However, my customers are primarily women. With the direction I’m heading with Kim Doyal, I feel very strongly that my audience is females over 40. There’s a lot more to them than that, but I’ll keep it at that for the podcast’s sake.

I’m fearful that if I start using that language, speaking directly to women, or claiming that, I will lose a bunch of subscribers, customers, listeners, etc.

*Here’s the thing about this: If men aren’t buying anyway, does it matter?*

There are plenty of men on my list who are probably subscribers simply because they resonate with me. They like what I create, what I share, and how I share it.

The few things that will change as I do this (because, yes, it’s time to let go of the self-doubt and do this) are the tagline on my site and some of my language.

Social sharing:

As I promote myself more (another commitment I’ve made), I will start talking more directly to women. I’m not exactly sure what that looks like, but it might be that what I’m sharing is only relevant to women.

*My gut says the men who are part of my audience or have been for a long time will stick around. There’s massive value for them if they choose to stay (especially if they’re marketing to women).

Taking a stronger stance on the toxicity of hustle culture: Obviously, with a newsletter titled #FtheHUSTLE, it’s no surprise that I’m against the hustle and grind mentality.

I think it’s toxic for most people and sets them up for failure.

As much as I believe in systems and processes, I also think they can be a massive distraction, and your weekly to-do list shouldn’t feel like a part-time job.

This idea that we’re all supposed to work a certain way (or we’re not committed enough… fuck off with that nonsense) is horseshit.

There is far too much data on learning out there for this to hold any weight.

Our public school system (in the U.S.) is a perfect example of how one learning mode sets people up for failure.

It’s like saying we should all have the same sleep patterns.

If we accept that we have different tastes in food, music, movies, interests, and people… doesn’t it make sense that we would also have our unique work styles?

That there’s more than one path to success?

You get my point.

I think there’s PLENTY of content I can create around this that will resonate with my ideal customer (or, as Mariah Coz says, my champagne client).

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A Framework for Growth

Talk about a rabbit hole.

Every time I get into creating some sort of doodle or sketch (I’m still working on using the iPad & Procreate with the pencil), I have no idea how much time has passed.

Next thing I know, I look up, and hours have gone by, which is what happened with this.

This framework came about on the call with Susan (therapist), and she asked how I could start showing up like this. She asked me what I was going to do, when I was going to do it, and to let her know how it went.

After I had done she wanted to know:

• How did it feel?
• How did it land (in terms of putting it out there and what the feedback was)
• Did I do it without prequalifying (I’ll be editing this post before I record it)
• Did I hedge at all (a little bit in writing this)

The value and importance of doing this are that to serve the women I want to serve, I need to own what I know. And (Susan’s words), “this gives me the territory to practice that.”

Nothing like a reminder to “practice what you preach.”

And I genuinely mean that.

This is why it’s so important to have people you trust who can guide, support, and be honest with you.

The first place I start when thinking about any framework is what happens first.

In this case, here’s my process:

Once I’ve gone through this little dance (for lack of a better explanation), I can get to work.

That’s when the self-doubt starts kicking in.

I start thinking things like…

• What if this fails?
• Should I ask someone else about “X” (crowdsourcing too many opinions will get you nowhere fast)?
• Does this offend?
• Am I too full of myself?
• Maybe I should hire someone to do this?
• Am I charging too much?
• Maybe I should do “this” first?

Talk about noise.

Even though my logical brain knows one thing, this niggly little voice inside of me pokes at me.

At least it did.

I have no doubt the voice will continue to be there, but it will get a pretty big EFF OFF from me until it learns to zip it.

The other thing that creeps in when I doubt myself is other people’s voices.

I was jokingly saying I need to wear Magneto’s helmet when listening to other people’s opinions about marketing.

The only people I’m going to pay attention to are the ones who are already where I want to be and have achieved more than me.

There is a small group of people I trust that I’ll run things by, but ultimately?

I have to trust myself.

Here’s the 5-Step framework I created to anchor in my own beliefs and shut the door on self-doubt.

1. Define Your Values:
2. What are my values for my life & business?
3. What are my values for my brand?
4. How do I want people to feel about my products/services?
5. Your Who:
6. Who are you serving? (be specific!)
7. Why do they need what you offer?
8. What’s their outcome? (from using your products/services?)
9. Dig Deep:
10. What’s stopping you?
11. How can you reframe that?
12. How will you show up now? (and where will you show up?)
13. Taking Action:
14. What are three things you can do consistently that will shift this?
15. When will you do them?
16. What were the results?
17. Next Steps:
18. How are you feeling about yourself for taking action?
19. In what way did you have your own back?
20. What’s next?

This is the mindset work we often skip when it comes to business (well, we skip it until we don’t because we’re not where we want to be, and we know something has to change).

As someone who devours anything I can get my hands on when it comes to self-help, mindset, spirituality, and personal development, it’s time to claim those beliefs and share them with my audience in a way that I think will best serve them.

The first thing I’m going to do is a live workshop with me that’s unlike anything else I’ve ever done. EEEK!

It’s going to be all about mindset, beliefs, and how you can reframe those thoughts so you can have the business & lifestyle you love.

That works for who YOU are.

Not who you think you need to be to succeed.