How to Get a Celebrity Signature

There's a famous story of Dennis Lilly, the Australian fast-boiled cricketer who met the queen and asked for her autograph. Queen Victoria had this cool thing called an autograph fan. You write a different person's signature on. If you approach Jonah Hill, he just hands a card saying, I just met Jonah Hill. George Eliot instructed her boyfriend, Henry Lewis, to write point blank refusals to anyone who... Well, she would have to get a massive crayon in the room as novelty pencils.