The Importance of Despair

I grew up Arminian, which I'm not really Arminian anymore. Although I don't know that I fit all the theological categories of being a Calvinist either. Paul also sets himself up as an example elsewhere in scripture and says, follow me as I follow Christ, right? So he's setting himself up as a model. Obviously, if he thought his primary identity was as the worst of sinners. But at the same time, we should understand that we are called to make a difference and to look different. And it's like this idea of being righteous is not even an expectation anymore.