Caregiver Burnout: Caring for a Difficult Mother

He says his ex was just a rebound. So why does she get the warm smiles, dinner plans, and the stories while you get the cold shoulder? It's Feedback Friday!

And in case you didn't already know it, Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Gabriel Mizrahi (@GabeMizrahi) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week! If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at [email protected]. Now let's dive in!

Full show notes and resources can be found here: jordanharbinger.com/1316

On This Week's Feedback Friday:

• If you don't want to hear about Gabe's fabulous time in Praia de Algodões, Bahia or New York City, fast forward about 12 minutes to directly board the dooze cruise.
• Your husband has kept in touch with his ex — a "rebound" who somehow never quite bounced out of his life — and a recent family dinner with her left you feeling invisible, outmaneuvered, and weirdly unable to articulate exactly why this friendship bothers you more than all his others. You're in couples therapy. So what do you bring up, and what does it actually mean?
• You're a mechanical engineer who just started therapy for the second time, making solid progress on your concrete goals — anxiety, professional stuff — and yet the guys keep suggesting therapy is a long-haul thing, not just a pit stop. Is staying past your "fixed" point actually productive, or just expensive navel-gazing? You're skeptical. Are you missing something?
• You've spent three years as the full-time caregiver for your nearly 100-year-old mother — a sharp-tongued, guilt-wielding, openly racist woman who refuses professional help and has boxed out your brother's Asian wife entirely. You love her, but you're starting to wonder if the best years of your retirement are being consumed by a woman who may just outlive your patience. How do you honor your duty without losing yourself?
• Recommendation of the Week: Amex Offers. If you have an American Express account, add all available Amex offers every Monday (it takes about five minutes, even on heavy weeks). In this way, Jordan has saved roughly $1,000 over a few months.
• You heard the episode (1259, question one) where a young man wrote in about his estranged sister and their "crazy mother" — and you recognized the story immediately, because you're that sister. Growing up in that house looked quite different from the inside, and there's a chapter of your relationship with your brother that his letter left out entirely. What happened — and where things stand now — is something else.
• Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at [email protected]!
• Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.
• Connect with Gabriel on Twitter at @GabeMizrahi and Instagram @gabrielmizrahi.

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