Spotting secure vs insecure partners

Most people are struggling in modern relationships, and it is not because they are broken. It is because the systems around them are. In this episode, you’ll learn why roughly 65 percent of people operate from insecure attachment, why that quietly destroys energy, trust, and intimacy, and how secure attachment becomes a critical biohacking upgrade for human performance, longevity, and emotional resilience. 

Watch this episode on YouTube for the full video experience: 

https://www.youtube.com/@DaveAspreyBPR 

Host Dave Asprey sits down with Adam Lane Smith, MA Psych, a leading global expert on Attachment Theory and the neurobiology of human bonding. Adam has spent over 16 years studying and working in psychology, helping individuals, couples, and families repair broken relationships, rebuild trust, and develop secure attachment. His work focuses on skill-based nervous system training rather than talk therapy alone, often creating change in months instead of years. He now runs a global coaching practice and is on a mission to bring secure attachment to one billion people worldwide. 

Together, Dave and Adam break down why modern dating, career pressure, and social isolation have produced a generation of adults who feel emotionally exhausted, disconnected, and stuck in survival mode. They explain how insecure attachment keeps people operating at low capacity, why bonding hormones like oxytocin and vasopressin regulate stress, sleep optimization, and emotional stability, and how broken attachment patterns sabotage metabolism, focus, and recovery. The conversation also covers AI companionship, dating apps, community collapse, and why no supplement, nootropic, fasting protocol, ketosis strategy, or carnivore diet can fully compensate for unsafe nervous systems. 

You’ll Learn: 

• Why 65 percent of people struggle with modern relationships 

• How insecure attachment caps energy, focus, and emotional resilience 

• Why secure attachment matters more as you age, not less 

• How bonding hormones regulate stress, sleep, and recovery 

• Why high performers still burn out without nervous system safety 

• How men and women experience attachment and regulation differently 

• Why AI and dating apps can worsen disconnection if used poorly 

• How community and shared purpose rebuild secure attachment 

• Why supplements and nootropics cannot replace real connection 

• Where to start if you want stronger relationships and higher capacity 

Dave Asprey is a four time New York Times bestselling author, founder of Bulletproof Coffee, and the father of biohacking. With over 1,000 interviews and 1 million monthly listeners, The Human Upgrade is the top podcast for people who want to take control of their biology, extend their longevity, and optimize every system in the body and mind. Each episode features cutting edge insights in health, performance, neuroscience, supplements, nutrition, hacking, emotional intelligence, and conscious living. 

Thank you to our sponsors! 

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Dave Asprey is a four-time New York Times bestselling author, founder of Bulletproof Coffee, and the father of biohacking. With over 1,000 interviews and 1 million monthly listeners, The Human Upgrade brings you the knowledge to take control of your biology, extend your longevity, and optimize every system in your body and mind. Each episode delivers cutting-edge insights in health, performance, neuroscience, supplements, nutrition, biohacking, emotional intelligence, and conscious living. 

New episodes are released every Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Sunday (BONUS). Dave asks the questions no one else will and gives you real tools to become stronger, smarter, and more resilient.  

Keywords: adam lane smith, adam lane smith attachment theory, adam lane smith secure attachment, adam lane smith relationships, attachment theory podcast, secure vs insecure attachment, nervous system regulation relationships, oxytocin vasopressin bonding, modern dating psychology, relationship burnout, loneliness epidemic, attachment styles explained, biohacking relationships, dave asprey adam lane smith, dave asprey relationships, human performance psychology, midlife purpose and relationships, aging mindset, adam land smith dave asprey relationships 

Resources:   

• Get a discount on any of Adam’s courses with code “daveasprey10” at checkout! https://adamlanesmith.com/ 

• Get My 2026 Biohacking Trends Report: https://daveasprey.com/2026-biohacking-trends-report/ 

• Join My Low-Oxalate 30-Day Challenge: https://daveasprey.com/2026-low-ox-reset/ 

• Dave Asprey's Latest News | Go to https://daveasprey.com/ to join Inside Track today.  

• Danger Coffee: https://dangercoffee.com/discount/dave15   

• My Daily Supplements: SuppGrade Labs (15% Off)   

• Favorite Blue Light Blocking Glasses: TrueDark (15% Off)   

• Dave Asprey’s BEYOND Conference: https://beyondconference.com   

• Dave Asprey’s New Book – Heavily Meditated: https://daveasprey.com/heavily-meditated  

• Upgrade Collective: https://www.ourupgradecollective.com   

• Upgrade Labs: https://upgradelabs.com   

• 40 Years of Zen: https://40yearsofzen.com  

Timestamps: 

0:00 – Trailer 

2:54 – The 30% Capacity Problem 

4:19 – Historical Breakdown of Human Connection 

9:31 – Building Pseudo-Families & Tribes 

15:09 – The Modern Dating Problem 

19:21 – Solutions for Women 

26:49 – The Four Levels of Safety & Peace 

33:04 – Solutions for Men 

37:45 – Building Community & Finding Partners 

45:26 – Marriage, Partnership & Legacy 

52:23 – The Future & Social Culling 

1:03:18 – Red Flags vs Green Flags in Dating 

1:07:23 – Dating After 50 

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