"I don't think that like fundamentally the question comes down to where the true obligation lands," he says. "In this case, it's actually the person doing the asking that sort of knows what they want." In a guest culture situation, if something is being hinted at, thenYeah, I think they have some obligation to at least try to hear that signal and model it,. Whereas in the ask culture situation, the guesser is effectively sort of socially blindsided, right? And from that perspective, I think it makes more social sense for the people doing the asking to try to mitigate the effect of that ask.
Read the full transcript here.
How straightforwardly should we communicate our preferences to others? How many times does a person need to say "yes" relative to the number of times they say "no" so that a relationship can be maintained? Most people probably use a mix of asking and guessing; but under what conditions should each strategy be employed? What are the costs and benefits for the askers, guessers, and the people of whom the explicit or implicit request is being made? Since even the act of asking a question can be revealing, how can we know when to disclose certain pieces of information about our preferences? Does asking or guessing work better in small or large groups? Is it more polite to guess or ask? How does "tell" culture differ from ask and guess cultures? Does asking for consent (instead of guessing about whether or not the person consents) in sexual situations kill the mood?
Will Eden was on the podcast back in episode 040. You can read more about him there!
Sam Rosen was on the podcast back in episode 002. You can read more about him there!
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