Perfectionism as Hidden Survival Strategy

Take the free Dysregulation Quiz here - https://adhdwithjennafree.typeform.com/adhdquiz

Join the waitlist for ADHD Groups (starting January) - adhdwithjennafree.com/groups

You can get your free ADHD Regulation Guide here - adhdwithjennafree.com/adhdguide

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Dysregulation Quiz 01:00 Beliefs Are the Roots of the Tree 03:00 The "I'm Behind, I Need to Catch Up" Belief 05:00 What Are Belief Schemas? 07:00 Common ADHD Dysregulated Beliefs 09:00 Perfectionism as a Hidden Belief System 11:00 Step 1 - Name It, Don't Shame It 12:00 Step 2 - Connect Body and Belief Work 14:00 Step 3 - Update Your Schema Over Time 16:00 Bringing It Back to Reality vs. Potential 18:00 You're Rewriting Your Brain's Story 20:00 Noticing When Beliefs Don't Make Sense

Summary

In this episode, I dive into belief schemas - the deep, often subconscious belief systems that keep us dysregulated even when we're working on physical regulation. I explain how beliefs like "I'm behind, I need to catch up," "I can't trust myself," and "something bad will happen if I relax" were formed during childhood (often through the friction of being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world) and continue to trigger our nervous system into fight or flight. Using powerful examples like rushing to a massage appointment or dragging your child home from school for no logical reason, I demonstrate how these beliefs run like software in the background, keeping us stuck in panic, perfectionism, and avoidance. This episode teaches you the three steps to work with dysregulated beliefs: name it without shame, connect the body work with belief work, and update your schema to match your adult reality.

Action Step:

This week, notice when you feel rushed, panicked, or pressured. Pause and ask yourself: "What belief is underneath this feeling right now?" Look for thoughts like "I'm behind," "There's not enough time," "I should be further along," or "Something bad will happen if I stop." Simply bringing awareness to these beliefs is the first powerful step in changing them.

Takeaways

• Regulation isn't just nervous system work - beliefs and thoughts need regulation too.
• Belief schemas are the subconscious lens through which we interpret the world.
• Many ADHD belief systems were formed in childhood from being misunderstood and constantly corrected.
• Common dysregulated beliefs include: "I'm behind, I need to catch up," "I can't trust myself," "If I'm not achieving, I'm failing," and "Something bad will happen if I relax."
• These beliefs trigger the nervous system into dysregulation, even when nothing dangerous is happening.
• The belief "I'm behind" often creates paralysis rather than productivity - it backfires.
• Perfectionism can be hidden - your life may look far from perfect, but the belief system is still running underneath.
• The three steps: Name it (awareness), connect body and belief work together, and update your schema over time.
• You have more autonomy as an adult than your internal system realizes - updating this is crucial.
• Living in "potential" (shoulds, judgments) versus reality keeps you stuck and powerless.
• There's never a logical reason to rush - notice when you're rushing for no reason at all.
• Thought and belief regulation brings you back into your power and the present moment.

Connect with Me

• Instagram
• TikTok