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The Preoccupation Problem
The pain is just the greatest source that your brain has found so far of bringing you to that familiar state of preoccupation. It feels like relaxation is impossible, and it goes back to what you said about the preoccupation of you have to be doing something different and avoid whatever you're feeling. I don't, I feel uncomfortable in that stillness or being with myself almost like, I don't know, even appreciate myself.