You Wrote, I Was Not Always So Afraid of the World

I was a very intense kid. I saw something on TV that said cigarettes kill and I was like, what? My mom must not know this because she smoked cigarettes. And so I took the cigarettes out of her bag and I just threw them in the trash. But my mother's reaction to that, to finding out that I had thrown away her cigarettes, was to what before? To hit me over and over and over. So it seems that in your early childhood, the danger, if you felt danger, had to do with your mother's rage and her sort of unpredictability.