Perfectionism, Pressure, and Room to Fail

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Episode Description

In this Sex with Emily episode, Dr. Emily sits down with Chelsey Goodan—the teenage girl whisperer whose new book "Underestimated" is revealing what happens when we actually start listening to the demographic we've been underestimating for generations.

The surprisingly simple question that gets teenage girls to open up after years of shutting everyone out—and why the adults in their lives have been approaching these conversations completely backwards (hint: it's the same reason your last "how was school today?" got a one-word answer).

Why teenage girls can spot your hidden agenda from a mile away, and the radical honesty approach that creates trust faster than any parenting book you've read—even when you think you're being subtle with your "protective" white lies.

The age that girls start dieting that will make you rethink every compliment you've ever given a child—and the unconscious behavior women are modeling that's sabotaging the next generation's relationship with their bodies before they even hit puberty.

That thing you keep saying is "fine" when it's absolutely not fine, and how the people-pleasing patterns you picked up as a teenage girl are still running your sex life, your relationships, and every dinner party you've ever thrown.

The connection between your relationship to sex and your actual power that nobody talks about—and why embracing your "weird" might be the permission slip you need to stop performing and start feeling.

Plus: why giving girls agency doesn't mean abandoning your role as a parent, and the one body-related comment you should never make to a teenage girl, even when you think you're being helpful.

Timestamps:

0:00 - Intro

2:24 - The Power of Radical Honesty in Building Trust

7:00 - Why Perfectionism and People-Pleasing Start in Teenage Years

11:44 - Sexuality, Consent, and the Double Standards Girls Face

18:14 - Slut-Shaming: How It Wounds Girls and What We Can Do

21:04 - Teaching Girls Their Anatomy: Why "Vulva" Matters

24:20 - Breaking the Cycle of Shame Around Sex

29:04 - Gen Z Friendships: Girls Supporting Girls Instead of Competing

32:35 - Healing Your Inner Teenage Girl as an Adult

38:43 - The Performance Trap: Why Girls Can't Get Out of Their Heads During Sex

43:09 - Overcoming Sexual Anxiety: Practical Advice for Women

46:24 - Body Image Wounds: How Moms' Self-Criticism Impacts Daughters