You can't hate yourself in to change. Hating yourself for struggling is very counter productive. There's what I call online work and what I call offline work. Online work is work that you can do for yourself when you are in a good head space. Offline work, like think about like if you're offline, I'm triggered, I'm unregulated. That's what offline work is. You can process your urges and start to bring down all of that over desire.