I couldn't even feel I couldn't even mourn like one of my best friends. It just got killed fighting ISIS. And, and the other thing I realized was that that wasn't an isolated incident. Like it was affecting the springs of life that as a father and a husband that were supposed to be flowing out of us so that we can love those around us. They were broke man. Those walls that I built around my heart so that I couldn't be hurt anymore. He says he's always believed that if you get something good, and you don't share it with other people, that's pretty messed up.