How to manage communication with a high-conflict ex and new spouse

Navigating Grandparent Roles in High Conflict Divorces
This episode of "It's All Your Fault" features Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter addressing two distinct listener questions. The first explores the challenging position grandparents face when their adult children experience contentious divorces. The second examines complex co-parenting dynamics involving an ex-spouse demonstrating high conflict behavior and a new spouse seeking involvement.

Understanding Family Dynamics in High Conflict Situations
The hosts examine how family members can effectively navigate these challenging situations while maintaining appropriate boundaries. They discuss practical strategies for managing communication, setting limits, and fostering healthy relationships during custody disputes and co-parenting arrangements.

First Listener Question: Grandparent Support During Divorce

• How can grandparents maintain supportive relationships with both parents?
• What strategies help when grandchildren show signs of alienation?
• How should grandparents respond to concerning statements from grandchildren?
• When should grandparents intervene versus step back?
• What approaches help maintain healthy boundaries while supporting the family?

Second Listener Question: Co-Parenting with Ex-Spouse and New Wife

• How to manage communication with an ex-spouse showing high conflict behavior?
• What boundaries make sense when dealing with military-related trauma?
• Should you engage with the new wife's attempts at relationship building?
• How to maintain BIFF communication effectively?
• When is parallel parenting more appropriate than attempted collaboration?

Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize several key approaches for managing these complex situations. They stress the importance of setting clear, matter-of-fact limits to maintain healthy relationships and recommend using the "four big skills" framework when teaching children appropriate behaviors. The discussion highlights how parallel parenting often proves more sustainable than forced closeness, and emphasizes the value of building trust gradually rather than rushing relationships. The hosts also underscore the importance of maintaining healthy skepticism while remaining open to positive developments in these challenging family dynamics.

The episode provides valuable insights for grandparents, divorced parents, and new spouses navigating complex family dynamics. While recognizing the challenges of these situations, the hosts offer practical approaches that prioritize children's wellbeing while maintaining appropriate boundaries.

Additional Resources

Expert Publications

⇨ Book (pre-orders - publishing November 2025):  SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps
⇨ Book: BIFF for CoParent Communication (Appendix B mentioned in podcast)
⇨ Book: Don't Alienate the Kids

Personal Transformation Solutions

⇨ Conflict Influencer® 6-week class (Zoom) for everyone
⇨ New Ways for Families® Co-parenting Without Court Online Class (with optional coaching - mentioned in podcast)
⇨ 1:1 Coaching & Consultation (For Your Legal Case w/ Bill Eddy; For Other Situations w/ Megan Hunter)

Professional Development

⇨ Bill Eddy's Signature New Ways Training (for mediators; for counselors and divorce coaches; for workplace coaches; for workplace leaders)

Connect With Us

⇨ Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
⇨ Submit questions for Bill and Megan
⇨ Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
⇨ Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Watch this episode on YouTube!

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (00:38) - More Listener Questions
• (01:20) - Grandparents in High Conflict Divorces
• (18:21) - Settling Limits with Ex and His New Wife
• (28:46) - Wrap Up