Mary bought more Hermit Crabs, put them in a tank the size of a grand piano and declared them the new tenants of her daughter's old bedroom. Mary watched them run on a hamster wheel for hours. She'd share her leftovers with them and then give them popcorn as a midnight snack. Then one day, Mary saw one of her crabs walking funny. "I got my little flashlight where I shown it and they're like, what is that in your shoe? What? Do you have a growth?" she says.

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