Toxic Friendships: Red Flags and Scorekeeping

Friendship is the most important thing nobody talks about. In this episode of The SOLVED Podcast, Drew and I dig into what makes friendships work, why they fall apart, and why so many of us are struggling to build or keep them as we get older. We’re talking loneliness stats, Darwin’s confusion about cooperation, and the deep emotional mechanics behind being a good friend—and finding one. From ancient philosophy to game theory, we break down why friendship isn’t just some social nicety—it’s a biological survival strategy. Plus: the modern forces slowly strangling our ability to connect, and exactly what to do about it. You’ll walk away with a clearer sense of what real friendship looks like, how to build it, and how to stop shooting yourself in the foot every time you try. We also put together a free companion guide for this episode with all the takeaways, references, and tools to help you get your sh*t together once and for all. Download it here: https://solvedpodcast.com/friendship Ready to stop listening to podcasts and actually start taking action? Join Momentum, a community of like-minded people who are taking small steps every day to make big changes in their lives: https://findmomentum.com/friendship Sign up for my newsletter, Your Next Breakthrough. It will help make you a less awful person: https://markmanson.net/breakthrough Follow me: https://instagram.com/markmanson/ https://twitter.com/IAmMarkManson https://facebook.com/Markmansonnet/ https://linkedin.com/in/markmanson/ https://www.tiktok.com/@iammarkmanson Chapters: 0:00 Introduction 7:52 Chapter 1: Friendship: an Evolutionary Puzzle 25:45 Chapter 2: What Is Friendship? 27:11 Friendship in the Great Religious Traditions 37:21 Modern Psychology's Definition of Friendship 49:02 Chapter 3: Your Brain On Friendship 1:03:34 The Neurobiology of Connection 1:22:48 Health Benefits of Friendship 1:33:11 Chapter 4: How to Make and Maintain Friendships 1:35:19 Proximity and Repeated Contact and Reciprocal Disclosure 1:53:51 Time investment (quantity and cadence) 1:58:15 Evidence-Based Strategies for Making Friends 2:07:46 Examples Of Making Friends 2:26:50 Chapter 5: How Friendship Changes Across the Lifespan 2:54:18 Chapter 6: Gender Dynamics in Friendships 3:09:39 Can Men And Women Be Friends? 3:16:39 Chapter 7: Toxic Friendships 3:17:41 Competitive Friendship 3:21:18 Codependency 3:34:45 Chapter 8: Why It's So Hard to Make Friends These Days 3:35:48 External Headwinds: Why Getting Together Is Hard 3:53:18 Internal Frictions: Why Staying Equal Feels Impossible 4:02:45 Chapter 9: Technology's Double-Edged Impact on Human Connection 4:11:19 Mark's LA Story 4:20:21 Chapter 10: The 80/20 of Friendship 4:30:33 Chapter 11: The Trade-Offs of Friendship Produced by Drew Birnie Research by Zenya Giatzoglou, Katherine Wei, & Gage Greer Edited by SJ van Breda Director of Photography Jess Choi Thumbnail by Jonathan Sippel

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