Why We Attack Ourselves Under Threat

Understand what makes it safe enough to admit mistakes, ask for help, and learn alongside each other — even when you're struggling. In this final episode of our special bonus season, hosts Dr Michelle McQuaid and Evie Wright share the powerful mantra "stay with me" — the opposite of abandoning ourselves when things get hard. With insights from self-compassion researcher Dr Kristin Neff and Internal Family Systems psychologist Dr Tori Olds, discover why your inner critic thinks it's helping (even when it's not), and learn to meet your protective parts with curiosity instead of shame. Explore how to navigate what's ahead without pretending you have all the answers — and help others do the same.

00:03 Michelle and Evie recap the first two episodes: learning to see which zone your nervous system is in, and how to soothe your body to get back on the wobble board.

05:57 Evie shares her "back and forth to the grass" email story — why soothing the body sometimes isn't enough when we keep re-triggering ourselves.

07:12 The safari guide insight: why "don't run" makes people panic, but "stay with me" helps the brain feel safe enough to figure things out.

11:16 Why we attack ourselves when threatened — Dr Kristin Neff explains how we turn our stress responses inward with self-criticism, shame, and rumination.

13:30 The three steps of self-compassion: acknowledging this is hard, remembering we're not alone, and asking what a wise and kind friend would say.

16:15 Does self-compassion make us soft? Kristin's research shows the opposite — warmth and support make us stronger and more able to take accountability.

18:17 Going deeper: Michelle introduces Internal Family Systems (IFS) and psychologist Dr Tori Olds, who explains that our capacity for self-compassion is what our brains are wired to do at their best.

20:02 The 8 C's of self energy: calm, clarity, curiosity, creativity, compassion, connectedness, confidence and courage — what's available when our connection circuit is on.

24:19 Why our protective parts aren't enemies — they're like exhausted toddlers doing the best they can with strategies they learned when we were young.

29:14 What happens when "an adult comes into the room" — how parts can finally relax when they trust that self energy is present and not trying to fix or get rid of them.

30:00 The "moving towards" tool: three steps to notice the part, get to know what it's protecting you from, and ask what it needs to trust you can handle things now.

36:44 When you still can't get back on the wobble board — a preview of the Drama Triangle tool available in the Nervous System Advantage mini-masterclass.

Want to go deeper? Grab your free tiny nudge tools to settle your brain at michellemcquaid.com and check out our Nervous System Advantage mini-masterclass at www.michellemcquaid.com.