The Impending Catastrophe in Britain

Downing Street holds emergency press conference. Boris Johnson has had yet another child. Numbers are rising exponentially. And we simply cannot tell how many there are now. We estimate that in just a few centuries time, like Charlemagne, everyone in the country will be directly related to Boris Johnson. Therefore, we must enforce social distancing around Boris Johnson's groin. So from today, I can announce that we are locking down all blonde women Except those over 35, you're completely immune.