Addressing poor performance with empathy

In this episode of The Product Experience, host Lily Smith speaks with veteran product leader Sean Flaherty about a question at the heart of modern product management: how do you influence without authority? Drawing from behavioural science and decades of experience building products and teams, Sean outlines a framework based on self‑determination theory — the modern science of intrinsic motivation.

Through the lens of autonomy, competence and relatedness, Sean explains why traditional command‑and‑control leadership undermines creativity and accountability. He shows how true autonomy is structured freedom, how competence is demonstrated through behaviour, and how relatedness builds trust and advocacy among teams and users. Along the way he reframes accountability as something teams hold themselves to, not something enforced by fear, and discusses how leaders can help teams grow, adapt and thrive in a world of constant change.

Chapters
00:00 — Introduction & central question
01:30 — Guest background
04:45 — State of leadership today
06:10 — Intro to intrinsic motivation
08:40 — The “code” of motivation
12:28 — Autonomy in teams
17:11 — Competence and product work
20:30 — Observable behaviour and growth paths
23:10 — Adaptability and learning culture
24:25 — Accountability misunderstood
27:04 — Accountability spectrum
31:21 — Addressing negative behaviour
36:19 — AI and leadership change
38:01 — Leadership trends today

Key Takeaways
— Motivation is scientific, not abstract
— Product leaders need to understand the science of intrinsic motivation — not just processes or tools — to influence without authority and achieve sustainable outcomes.
— Three core motivators drive behaviour
Autonomy: people need meaningful choice, not chaos or micro‑management
Competence: motivation increases when people feel capable and are supported to grow
Relatedness: connection and shared purpose power trust, loyalty and advocacy
— Autonomy is structured freedom: Autonomy is not “do whatever you want”. It’s about balancing freedom with guidance so teams can be creative but not lost.
— Competence is observed in behaviour, not checklists: Real competence shows up in behaviour — what people do — not just knowledge or titles.
— Accountability emerges, not enforced: Traditional accountability relies on fear and external control. In contrast, self‑accountability arises when goals are meaningful and environments allow people

Our Hosts
Lily Smith enjoys working as a consultant product manager with early-stage and growing startups and as a mentor to other product managers. She’s currently Chief Product Officer at BBC Maestro, and has spent 13 years in the tech industry working with startups in the SaaS and mobile space. She’s worked on a diverse range of products – leading the product teams through discovery, prototyping, testing and delivery. Lily also founded ProductTank Bristol and runs ProductCamp in Bristol and Bath.

Randy Silver is a Leadership & Product Coach and Consultant. He gets teams unstuck, helping you to supercharge your results. Randy's held interim CPO and Leadership roles at scale-ups and SMEs, advised start-ups, and been Head of Product at HSBC and Sainsbury’s. He participated in Silicon Valley Product Group’s Coaching the Coaches forum, and speaks frequently at conferences and events. You can join one of communities he runs for CPOs (CPO Circles), Product Managers (Product In the {A}ether) and Product Coaches. He’s the author of What Do We Do Now? A Product Manager’s Guide to Strategy in the Time of COVID-19. A recovering music journalist and editor, Randy also launched Amazon’s music stores in the US & UK.