I hope you can feel ungrateful too I mean I do obviously when I'm in my sad trenches I'm like fuck like this is so sad like here's some of my feelings. If I want to prove a point I have to do something very irrational and crazy in order to prove a points no matter what the consequence means to me or my loved ones. that's a thought these are thoughts that circle my mind every time I have one of these deep breakdowns because it's almost like I want to do this irrational thing for other people you know like I don't want anybody else to go through thislike I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy and  this is just who