Maintaining Relationships Through Deep Listening and Validation

Use the VCR Method to navigate difficult conversations without retreating or conflicting. 

In this powerful conversation, one of the most influential voices on racial justice and family therapy, Dr. Kenneth Hardy talks with Dr. Ann Kelley about the VCR Method (Validate, Challenge, Request) for navigating difficult conversations without retreating into silence or conflict. Hardy reveals how White-bodied folks and People of Color/Culture (POC) can move beyond either/or thinking by recognizing their multiple selves – the parts that hold privilege and the parts that experience subjugation – no matter who you are. 

Key insights include Hardy’s concept of “invisible wounds” – the unnamed racial trauma that affects people of color daily – and why the expectation for Black people to “take the high road” actually perpetuates harm. Through a real example from a heated workshop exchange with a white student, Hardy demonstrates the VCR approach in action, showing how validation, strategic challenge, and clear requests can keep us connected through rupture rather than defaulting to our most activated, subjugated responses.

This episode offers practical tools for therapists and anyone seeking more authentic, healing-centered conversations about difference in general and particularly, race and privilege. Hardy’s framework challenges us to develop both a racial lens and a clear sense of our racial selves, moving from fragility toward the courage to stay in relationship even when conversations get difficult.

“We all have two dimensions of ourselves-  a preferred racial view and a dreaded one.” Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy

“Racial oppression is a traumatic form of interpersonal violence which can lacerate the spirit, scar the soul, and puncture the psyche.” – Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy

Timestamps for Beyond the High Road: New Perspectives on Discussing Race and Privilege with Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy (275)

05:13 Invisible wounds and racial trauma
07:40 The importance of naming and acknowledgment
15:38 Developing a racial lens as a therapist
18:16 The complexity of privilege and subjugation
23:50 Case Study: A white woman’s reaction to privilege
26:48 The intersection of class and race
40:14 The VCR Model: Engaging conversations on race
45:39 Compassionate accountability in conversations
51:13 Hope amidst DEI challenges

About our Guest – Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy

Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy is a Clinical and Organizational Consultant at the Eikenberg Institute for Relationships in Newark, DE, where he also serves as Director. He is also the Founder and President of the Eikenberg Academy for Social Justice. He provides Racially Focused Trauma Informed training, executive coaching, and consultation to a diverse network of individuals and organizations throughout the United States and abroad. He is a former Professor of Family Therapy at both Drexel University in Philadelphia, and Syracuse University in New York, and has also served as the Director of Children, Families, and Trauma at the Ackerman Institute for the Family in New York, NY.

Resources for Healing the Invisible Wounds of Racism with Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy

Eikenberg Academy for Social Justice – President Kenneth V. Hardy, website and resources

“On Becoming a Racially Sensitive Therapist: Race and Clinical Practice” – Book by Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy 

“Racial Trauma Clinical Strategies and Techniques for Healing Invisible Wounds” – Book by Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy

“The Enduring, Invisible, and Ubiquitous Centrality of Whiteness” – Book by Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy

“Some subtleties of whiteness in the workplace: Steps for shifting the paradigm” – Journal by Dr. Kenneth V. Hardy

Enjoying this episode? Check out many other relevant Therapist Uncensored episodes, only two are listed below (use search bar on our website for anything you are interested in learning). 

https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/navigating-racial-trauma-part-1-203/

https://therapistuncensored.com/episodes/racial-trauma-challenges-traditional-therapy-part-2-sriw-series-ep-3-204-2/

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