Toronto cognitive behavioural therapy counsellor Leanne Matlow says her phone has been buzzing ever since the horrific attack by Hamas terrorists on southern Israel on Oct. 7. She’s been hearing from Canadian parents who don’t know how to reassure their children, who are being exposed to gruesome videos and images of blood-stained rooms and also wounded or dead Israeli victims of the massacre–not to mention being nervous since extra squads of police and security guards have turned up patrolling their schools, community centres and synagogues since the violence began. Matlow has worked as a school guidance counsellor and now is in private practice specializing in helping anxious young people as her clients. She’s just issued a series of ten tips for adults (and the children they care for) to help them manage their mental health at this difficult time in Jewish history. On today’s The CJN Daily, she joins host Ellin Bessner with practical advice that everyone can use.

Leanne Matlow’s 10 Tips:

Here are some suggested tips. As the conflict is dynamic, so must be our responses

Take care of yourself and your own mental health first. (Take media breaks, go for a walk, stick to a routine with proper eating and sleeping.) It is okay to ask for help from neighbours, relatives or friends when you need a break.
Remember your kids are always watching and listening to you and how you react. Be mindful of the emotional impact of your words and actions.
Set boundaries on the news consumption in your house, especially around your kids. This is an opportunity to talk about critical thinking and bias in the world of social media.
Are your kids hungry or tired? Very simple, but before you speak to your children about anything difficult, check on their physical needs first. It will not be helpful to have a potentially stressful discussion unless everyone is calm before you begin.
Understand your child’s level of knowledge and comprehension: Take cues from your child and let them lead the discussion. Ask open-ended questions. ” Please share with me what you’ve heard and how are you feeling about it?” Avoid jumping in with a lecture or giving more information or details that they are unaware of or are not asking for.
Reassure your child that they are safe here. Clarify where the conflict is happening.
If you don’t know the answer to a question, it is ok to say that you will get the information and answer them later.
It’s ok to be lenient and be reassuring, but don’t set a precedent that is not sustainable.
Take what your kids are worried about and turn it into action-oriented tasks. Brainstorm ideas about how what you can we to feel hopeful and helpful? (Give and collect tzedakah, make cards for soldiers or kids who are displaced from their homes/schools, etc.)
Ensure that your child has access to you to talk daily and that you are there to listen empathetically. Set a time for this discussion which should NOT be as they are getting into bed.

What we talked about

Attend The CJN’s live emergency mental health seminar at Toronto’s Prosserman JCC on Tuesday Oct. 17, 2023. Free but you have to register. It won’t be livestreamed, but will be rebroadcast.
Read more about Leanne Mallow’s work giving hope to anxious young people struggling with their mental health, in The CJN.
Meet the Canadians evacuees from Israel who arrived home in Toronto this weekend, on The CJN Daily.

Credits

The CJN Daily is written and hosted by Ellin Bessner (@ebessner on Twitter). Zachary Kauffman is the producer. Michael Fraiman is the executive producer. Our intern is Ashok Lamichhane, and our theme music by Dov Beck-Levine. Our title sponsor is Metropia. We’re a member of The CJN Podcast Network. To subscribe to this podcast, please watch this video. Donate to The CJN and receive a charitable tax receipt by clicking here.

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