If we're not regularly deeply embarrassed by who we are, the journey to self knowledge hasn't begun. What bad habits and types of self sabotage do you think deprive us from self knowledge? In work and in love,. We've all got such an investment in seeming more or less sane and normal, and not even avoiding humiliation. Of course we're afraid of intimacy. Intimacy is really frightening. So we need to be kind of kindly and patient with that fear. It's coming from a very legitimate place. True partnership involves taking down the defences. But no wonder, we can't necessarily do that with total flexibility and speed all the time. There's so much about us that requires