S6e1: Kristin Neff – Goodwill & Intention, the Magic Ingredients
The Hoffman Podcast
The State of Love Is Love
I think it's probably more accurate to say that we shouldn't separate ourselves out of the circle of compassion. So when you love others and not yourself, you're feeling very separated. If you can kind of lift the veil of separation and let the love just flow freely inward and outward simultaneously, that's really what the state of love is.
A leading researcher on self-compassion, Kristin Neff’s work is closely aligned with the work of the Hoffman Process. In this engaging, inspiring, and educational conversation, Kristin shares her research, deep knowledge, and life experience with us to illuminate why self-compassion is such a powerful practice for human beings.
Drew and Kristin speak to the understanding that what happens to us when we are young isn’t our fault, but our healing is our responsibility. As Kristin shares, “…there’s no other body/mind and particular point in time and space that’s in the right position to take responsibility other than you.” This succinctly and clearly sums up the practical reason why it is up to each of us to take responsibility for our own lives.
Going deeper into Self-Compassion:
Listen in as Kristin shares a powerful story about her son who is autistic. He was in a very emotional state while on an overseas flight with her. Through this story, Kristin explains how the neuroscience of emotional regulation helped her to help him regulate his emotional state.
Kristin shares that compassion has three components: kindness, mindfulness, and humanity. “Compassion is grounded in a sense of shared humanity.” At its core, compassion is the understanding that we are doing the best we can, moment to moment. That we are human beings. We are part of a much larger whole. Moment by moment, we are doing the best we can, learning and trying with care and love. If we learn this, things become much easier to deal with.
Drew and Kristin then move into a discussion of how self-compassion supports us in the areas of global challenges such as climate change and social justice work. This is where Kristin begins to speak about the two aspects of compassion – tender compassion and fierce compassion. Fierce compassion is needed in all of us to help create a world that is just, safe, and supportive for all.
More about Kristin Neff:
Kristin Neff is currently an Associate Professor of Educational Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research, conducting the first empirical studies on self-compassion nearly twenty years ago. Kristin has been recognized as one of the most influential researchers in psychology worldwide. She is the author of the bestselling book Self-Compassion. Along with her colleague Chris Germer, she developed the empirically-supported Mindful Self-Compassion program and co-wrote The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook. Her latest book is Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive. For more info go to www.self-compassion.org.
As mentioned in this episode:
Thich Nhat Hahn:
“Ordained as a monk aged 16 in Vietnam, Thich Nhat Hanh soon envisioned a kind of engaged Buddhism that could respond directly to the needs of society. He was a prominent teacher and social activist in his home country before finding himself exiled for calling for peace. In the West, he played a key role in introducing mindfulness and created mindful communities (sanghas) around the world. His teachings have impacted politicians, business leaders, activists, teachers, and countless others.” read more…
Internal Family Systems:
“Internal Family Systems is a powerfully transformative, evidence-based model of psychotherapy. We believe the mind is naturally multiple and that is a good thing. Our inner parts contain valuable qualities and our core Self knows how to heal, allowing us to become integrated and whole. In IFS all parts are welcome.” Continue reading…
Kevin Eyres:
Kevin Eyres is a Hoffman Process teacher and coach. Discover more about Kevin here and listen to his Hoffman Podcast episode with Drew, Beyond the Intellect.
Chris Germer, Ph.D.:
Chris, who will be on the podcast in a few weeks, is “a clinical psychologist and lecturer on psychiatry (part-time) at Harvard Medical School. He co-developed the Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC) program with Kristin Neff in 2010 and MSC has since been taught to over 250,000 people worldwide. They co-authored two books on MSC, The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook and Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion Program.” Continue reading…
The fierce self-compassion graphic that Drew and Kristin mention.
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