What is the role of intimacy in CPTSD recovery?

Erika Straub is an esteemed author and mentor celebrated for her expertise in nervous system regulation and attachment, particularly in the realm of CPTSD recovery. Drawing on her knowledge of Internal Family Systems, attachment theory, and somatics, Erika emphasizes that recovery from CPTSD involves creating safety and intimacy in relationships, allowing individuals to heal and liberate themselves from trauma. She champions the importance of vulnerability and imperfection, encouraging people to show up authentically in their relationships, which fosters acceptance and genuine connection. Through her work, Erika supports individuals in addressing challenges related to intimacy and family dynamics, helping them uncover the transformative power of repairing past wounds and nurturing a safe space for self-expression and growth.

Erika Straub on Instagram

Key TakeAways

- The interconnectedness between the nervous system and attachment system is crucial in CPTSD recovery.

- Finding a safe person is significant for facilitating healing and growth.

- Shame and shutdown responses impact communication and relationships, requiring self-awareness and vulnerability for healing.

- Recognizing the impact of events on the nervous system helps in understanding triggers and promoting personal growth.

- Addressing shame is essential in the healing process, leading to self-discovery and transformation.

- Childhood trauma affects development and recovery, emphasizing the need for healing and self-discovery in adulthood.

- Building safety and trust in relationships is key for deeper connection, intimacy, and emotional well-being.

Actionable Insights

- Find a safe person to facilitate healing in CPTSD recovery

- Recognize and manage responses of shame, fear, and dismissal in interpersonal interactions

- Address shame within shutdown responses to promote healthier relationships

- Acknowledge the impact of events on the nervous system for healing and growth

- Shift from self-blame to self-discovery in the healing process from childhood trauma

- Build safety and trust in intimate relationships for deeper connection and intimacy

- Embrace vulnerability and emotional intimacy to overcome fears and form healthier relationships

Quotes:

“It is so valuable for any of us to have that outside witness. When we’re with someone who can witness, it helps us evolve our own internal witness.” — Erika Straub [0:07:52]

“The thing that makes us feel the safest is connection. If we can’t access that deep level of intimacy and connection with someone, we don’t actually get to experience the full spectrum of safety.” — Erika Straub [0:11:04]

“Shutting down contributes to a lot of anxiety because we’re blanketing everything that we’re feeling and we’re distancing [ourselves], although what we really want is connection.” — Erika Straub [0:18:59]

“Once we actually see and feel shame, we don’t unsee it, which is a beautiful thing. Then, we discover other pockets where it has inserted itself that we could never have seen before.” — Erika Straub [0:24:52]

“Safety creates freedom. That’s where liberation from trauma is. It’s not so much ‘what did happen’ but ‘what can we do to repair it?’ How can I show up imperfectly?” — Erika Straub [0:37:47]

“Once we can reach [a place of emotional intimacy], we access a deeper level of safety and security” — Erika Straub [0:42:10]