Managing Stress in a Busy Life

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"Events don't cause stress. What causes stress are the views you take of the event." - Dr. Ellen Langer

Picture this: A fire destroys 80% of everything you own. Your response? "It was already gone. What was the point in getting crazy over it?" That's Dr. Ellen Langer, a Harvard psychology professor whose work on mindfulness has shaped how we understand stress and human potential. When the insurance adjuster showed up after her house burned down, he told her it was the first time in 25 years someone's reaction was calmer than the actual damage warranted. Most people catastrophize before they even see the extent of the loss. Ellen did the opposite. She immediately saw those burnt possessions as artifacts of her past, things she might not even choose again if she were starting fresh today. Then something happened on Christmas Eve that she couldn't have predicted: the hotel staff where she was staying, from the parking attendants to the chambermaids, filled her room with gifts. Not management. Not the owner. The people you barely notice. For years, she couldn't tell that story without crying.

What makes this conversation so powerful is watching someone live their philosophy in real time. Ellen doesn't just theorize about stress, she's walked through actual loss and come out believing that worrying is simply a waste of time. She breaks down why predictability is an illusion we cling to, why most of what we worry about never happens, and how stress relies on two false assumptions: that we know what will happen, and that when it does, it will be awful. The conversation moves from handling global crises to personal disasters, from the things that keep us up at night to the moments that restore our faith in humanity. You'll hear about the class she taught without any of her notes after they burned in the fire, how it became the best class she ever taught because everything had to be thought through fresh in that moment. This isn't about positive thinking or pretending bad things don't happen. This is about what becomes possible when you stop trying to control outcomes you can't predict anyway.Retry

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