Limits of Generosity and Saying No

Welcome to episode 42 of The Way Out Is In: The Zen Art of Living, a podcast series mirroring Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh’s deep teachings of Buddhist philosophy: a simple yet profound methodology for dealing with our suffering, and for creating more happiness and joy in our lives.

This time, the presenters – Zen Buddhist monk Brother Phap Huu and journalist Jo Confino – discuss generosity. Together, they consider how to cultivate generosity in our ways of thinking, speaking, and acting, by looking at Buddhist teachings, Plum Village mindfulness trainings, and Thich Nhat Hanh’s applied wisdom. 

And: what’s the best way to practice generosity? Does generosity come from intimacy or from proximity? What is nondiscriminatory generosity? Can we feel generosity for all the elements making up the Earth?

Brother Phap Huu shares the general meaning and importance of generosity in Buddhism, and in the Plum Village tradition in particular, and addresses gratitude for the simple things in life; the practice of non-self; generosity as a perpetual mindfulness training; generosity as presence; ever-growing love and compassion; mastering the practice of the smile; and community living as a lesson in generosity. 

Jo shares a recent show of generosity from listeners of the podcast, and on the subjects of generosity in an individualistic culture; fake generosity; not knowing how to receive generosity; unconscious behaviors in parents; and connection and intimacy as essential aspects of generosity.

The episode ends with a short meditation on generosity guided by Brother Phap Huu. 

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Co-produced by the Plum Village App:
https://plumvillage.app/

And Global Optimism:
https://globaloptimism.com/ 

With support from the Thich Nhat Hanh Foundation:
https://thichnhathanhfoundation.org/ 

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List of resources 

Dharma Talks: ‘Manas Consciousness, Teachings on Buddhist Psychology Retreat, 1997’
https://plumvillage.org/library/dharma-talks/manas-consciousness-thich-nhat-hanh-teachings-on-buddhist-psychology-retreat-1997/ 

Dharma Talks: ‘The Face of Manas Revealed: Understanding a Hidden Aspect of Our Consciousness’
https://plumvillage.org/library/dharma-talks/live-dharma-talk-by-sister-tue-nghiem-2020-11-29-plum-village/

‘The Fourteen Mindfulness Trainings’
https://plumvillage.org/mindfulness/the-14-mindfulness-trainings/

Bhikkhu
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhikkhu

Old Path White Clouds: Walking in the Footsteps of the Buddha
https://plumvillage.org/books/1987-duong-xua-may-trang-old-path-white-clouds/ 

Six Paramitas: Practices to Cross to the Other Shore (short teaching video by Thich Nhat Hanh)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8dEkNM7SA0

Mahayana Buddhism
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahayana

Emma Thompson
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Thompson

The Way Out Is In: ‘Slow Down, Rest, and Heal: The Spirit of the Rains Retreat (Episode #7)’
https://plumvillage.org/podcast/slow-down-rest-and-heal-the-spirit-of-the-rains-retreat/

‘The Five Mindfulness Trainings’
https://plumvillage.org/mindfulness/the-5-mindfulness-trainings/ 

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Quotes

“No self means that we cannot exist by ourselves. If we remove all of the elements that are present in us, from the most fundamental – our parents, then our ancestors, then our spiritual ancestors, and then our conditions of life, which are food, sunshine, the blue sky, the rain, the air that we breathe – [then we see that] everything that is present supports us.”

“Manas is a layer in our consciousness which allows us to want to grasp, want to move on, and want to do, and is always looking for something outside of itself, never feeling fulfilled. And it creates many, many habits. Manas forgets that we cannot exist by ourselves. And it forgets that we have to rely on others.” 

“In the practice of Buddhism, a true practitioner would actually become more caring for others, more caring for our environment, more caring for even the simplest things. Even the door of your house: you would want to open and close it mindfully so you can have gratitude for the simple things in life.” 

“In the practice of Buddhism – which Thay taught in Plum Village with the language and the direction of applied Buddhism, engaged Buddhism – generosity is not only within the material wealth that we have or the material possessions that we’re able to give to others, but generosity is also learning to be present for those you love.” 

“Generosity is a practice of openness, by seeing others outside of you as you. And that’s a very deep and profound practice.”

“Each day, a smile is a gift that we can offer.”

“Learn to smile to your past.”

“I think generosity is all about connection and intimacy; sitting here with you, I feel love and warmth towards you. Whereas if I’d never met you and we were doing this on the phone the most significant element would be missing.” 

“Generosity is a practice, it’s not just giving, giving, giving. We can give, give, give, but that can become a habit and can become fake in the moment. And so, not losing oneself is also a practice of generosity.” 

“Sometimes we have to learn to say no. It may be the most difficult thing, because there are so many requests coming in, and every request is to provide a spiritual practice, is to provide stability: teachings that can help people. But if you don’t know your limit, then you will not know how to love yourself. And you will also lose yourself in this, and therefore not become generous of oneself. So, in our generosity, there’s also a limit. We have to know our limit. We have to know how much we can give, as well as how much we want to give, so we can work towards that in order to be able to offer [it].”