The Loss of Courage

I know I've done a lot wrong in my life. I'm very Regretful for I try to make amends. But again, I'm talking deeper than my conscious mind if it's just if the lights just go out right now I'm not going to be in charge anymore. My subconscious will be in charge and my subconscious wired to this body Wrapped up. That's the loss that's the The learning loss what do you call it? "The latency of the transmission from christ to his followers"