I personally am. Oh, that's thanks, Jimmy. I'm personally really thankful for when my partner says you're doing that thing again. You know, I actually really like it. I didn't in the beginning, it was very annoying. But once I got used to it and got used to the idea that he's helping me to get out of those habits, those automatic ways that I'm reacting. As long as he's okay with the end and going in the other direction has to go on both. Yes, it does. It does, for sure. I definitely, I throw a lot of you're doing that thing again at him

too. That reminds me a lot of what you talk in the book about accepting each other's influence. You know, I wanted to throw a quote out for you because it just, it's definitely what we're talking about. You said, of all the human relational mistakes, the refusal to put our relationship first above ourselves is one of the greatest failings. And I resonated so much with that, which is just, I know you said in the beginning, it's not necessarily putting it first. It's like putting both of us first. But we just so often, I'm sure you time and time again, have couples sitting in front of you and you're like, you're not putting the relationship first, or at least you're not putting it at the same level that you are. Right. And that, and that is a the beginning of the end when you're not putting the relationship at the same level that as you are or above, you know, prioritizing it, then that's the beginning of an erosion of some sort of trust or intimacy or whatever. The relationship is co-created. It's a shared mythology that we that we co-created, right? So,

so it's we place it higher than ourselves because it's not only aspirational, but it's also governing. It keeps us in our place and it keeps us doing what we say we want. So, so that's that's an important, an important thing. If the relationship doesn't come first, we'll fragment and we'll eventually accrue threat. And people should just keep in mind that this has been well studied. What people lament the most end of life is the relationships that they messed up. All that seems to matter to us, basically, are our deepest, closest, and cherished relationships. And so, there's a reason why we put them first is because we want co-herency. We want cohesion. We want harmony. We want to hold on to each other. In all relationships, as best we can, as long as people are, you know, good faith actors, right? And whenever we put ourselves first in a union of equals, it is picked up as unfriendly and as well, I guess you don't care about ours. Therefore, we're going to have to take that up. And now we're adversarial, see? So, it's a mind trick to take care of myself and you, Jimmy, at the same time. But I have to. We both have to be right as rain. We both have to be okay. Otherwise, we can't work together. Something will fail. I have to make sure you are good as you have to make sure I am good. Otherwise, we're going to be spending a lot of unnecessary time bumping into each other, yelling at each other, arguing with each other. And anything that's unfair has to be taken up immediately, because it puts the person who's acting unfairly in jeopardy.

If it's important to bring up those complaints or bringing up those disagreements, it's so vital to be able to. In the moment, you

know, yeah, in the moment. Yeah, yeah.

You don't want to get into an argument about last night, because you're going to argue about memory. You do it in the moment, you correct the behavior in the moment, that's more likely to help that person to learn for the next time.