Understanding STURBS: Coping Mechanisms in Grief

For more information about the resources Mona has available go to: www.neurodiverselove.com

WARNING: During this episode we talk briefly about suicide, suicidal thoughts, & sexual abuse, so please be aware of this and take care of yourself if this discussion may be a trigger for you. During this episode, Rachelle Jones-Grief Recovery Specialist shares information about her own neurodiverse marriage & family, as well as how an evidenced based model for grief recovery can provide the tools and strategies that can help you understand & process grief. Rachelle talks about her own grief recovery process and how her mission is now to help others heal in more healthy ways. The other topics discussed during this episode include:

• How this model gives us grace, compassion and curiousity.
• Understanding what work and change we each have to do.
• Determine what your "truth" is.
• Apply the" Grief Recovery Model" tools everytime you need them.

• Remember that each partner comes into the relationship with "their" issues, whether they understand them or not.
• We may say and do things out of our "emotional reaction".
• Understanding when your truth may be that you're feeling really hurt and unloved and it can be because something that is currently happening reminds you of an issue from the past.
• Remembering that your partner doesn't "make" you feel anything, however then can "leave" you feeling a particular way.
• Understand what your reactions and emotions are connected to and understanding our unmet hopes, needs and expectations.
• Unexpressed hopes and expectations can create grief.
• Long delays in responses from our partner can leave us feeling unloved and uncared for.
• Find, acknowledge and express our "truth" and provide the space and time for our partner to do the same.
• Unintentional pain can be caused when we don't know how to move through and heal grief.
• Grief is cumulatively negative.
• Loss of hope, dreams and expectation are all grief moments.
• Suicide is usually about needing the pain to end and not thinking that it every will.
• Get honest that time isn't going to heal the grief.
• Understanding that we can't replace the loss.
• Grieving by yourself is probably not working.
• Keeping busy does not heal grief.
• Your real strength is sitting in the heartache and acknowledging what is real.
• Time is not going to heal the grief, but taking action can begin the healing process.
• Unresolved emotions can come out as physical health problems.
• Short term energy relieving behaviors (STERB's) work for a little while, but don't work long term.
• STERB's can be socially acceptable, but don't heal the grief.
• It is important to understand what we are doing to cope and feel better, and then try to help ourselves so we don't feel the pain so intensely.
• Have a sip of grace for yourself and your partner.
• Be able to say "I don't know what I'm doing here", however we can find the tools and strategies to move forward.
• Judging yourself or your partner is not going to make things better. However, accepting and understanding that you have different ways of experiencing life and dealing with your emotions and grieving can be life changing.
• We each feel our emotions differently and go through the grieving process differently.

If you would like to contact Rachelle you can check out her website at: www.griefrecoverywithrachelle.com or you can follow her on IG @GRWRachelle

If you would like to work with Rachelle, she has created a scholarship code for my listeners to get a 20% discount on tuirtion for any of her classess. The code is: MonaNDLove. Rachelle offers an 8 week classs for individual training or group training and a 2 1/2-day class for individual or group training.

For more information about the evidenced based Grief Recovery Method you can go to: www.griefrecoverymethodc.com

If you are in the United States and are experiencing suicidal thoughts you can dial 988 for the Suicide Prevention Hotline or go to www.988lifeline.org