How About a Burrito That's Tampered With?

"I want a tamper-evident burrito where if you open it, it just fucking explodes and showers you in refried beans," he says. "It's morally delinquent that you have done nothing about it from the two." A duck has recently set up shop and laid eggs in the bush directly outside his apartment door. The problem is every time I come home, the duck flaps away panicked and stands in the parking lot staring at me until I go inside. 'How do I convince this duck that we're chill and that I want nothing but the best for her'