How to Be More Charismatic With Your Friends

Vanessa Van Edwards: I always try to catch each other on walk-and-talk because as you're saying we're moving we're in motion we have energy there's fresh air involved. We can be more charismatic with our friends with our professional relationships and our social and romantic relationships it just is a matter of being in control of those cues so good Jenny underscore please remember build first then your courage will follow hasn't it always been the case? Vanessa, if you want to see some of my cues breakdowns on youtube check out science of people.com slash charisma or get show notes from this episode at pivot method.com slash podcast.

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Did you know that we can predict a leader’s charisma based solely on five seconds of exposure? That nonverbal signals account for 65 to 90 percent of our total communication?

Today we’re talking about cues, specifically the formula for charisma (hint: a combination of cues that project warmth and competence).

As a self-described “recovering awkward person,” Vanessa’s secret sauce is combining the latest research, real-life case studies of success, and fascinating examples of notable figures (like Oprah and Britney Spears) with practical strategies you can start using immediately.

More About Guest Vanessa: Vanessa Van Edwards is a speaker, researcher, and national bestselling author. More than 50 million people have seen her engaging YouTube tutorials and in her viral TED Talk, You Are Contagious. Vanessa is Lead Investigator at Science of People. She is the bestselling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People, translated into 16 languages. Today we’re talking about her new book, Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication.

Key Takeaways:

Your all-important first impression starts at the very first moment of an experience with someone: when you walk into the room, or when the camera flips on, and not with the first word you speak.
We all have patterns for when we feel awkward and out of place, which are not the ingredients for charismatic communication. But we also have patterns for when we are at our most confident and natural. Tracking those and taking advantage of them to give yourself more comfort and ease in your communications can immediately increase your charisma.
It’s extremely hard to lie with your voice, so spending time (and creating the best environment) for your body is going to make your competence and warmth much more evident in the subtle cues of your voice.

⭐️ Permission: Skip the happy hour! Drop the scheduled phone calls! Think about the times and places where you feel the happiest and most confident, and engage with people then, instead of sticking to the ‘normal’ times and places you feel you should.

⭐️ Do (or Delegate) This Next: Practice “I see you” acknowledgments when you first start talking to people in person or over video. A wave, a nod, or a smile all show the people you are talking to that they belong.

📘Books Mentioned: