Opening banter and golf with Hair Chapman

John Murray, Ian Dennis & Ali Bruce-Ball talk football, travel & language. They discuss a high-scoring week in the UEFA Champions League, what jobs they would do if they weren’t commentators & the unintended pub crawl just gets longer! Suggestions welcome for our Great Glossary of Football Commentary and unintended pub names from football commentary - WhatsApp voicenotes to 08000 289 369 & emails to TCV@bbc.co.uk

00:40 Ian gets destroyed by Herr Chapman 04:25 Champions League reflections 11:10 5 Live commentaries this weekend 13:00 What job would they do if not commentary? 17:20 Unintended pub names from football commentary 22:10 Top vs bottom in Clash of the Commentators 34:40 Great Glossary of Football Commentary

BBC Sounds / 5 Live Premier League commentaries: Sat 1500 Chelsea v Sunderland, Sat 1500 Newcastle v Fulham on Sports Extra, Sat 1730 Man Utd v Brighton, Sun 1400 Arsenal v Crystal Palace, Sun 1400 Aston Villa v Man City on Sports Extra, Sun 1400 Bournemouth v Nottingham Forest on BBC Sport website & app, Sun 1400 Wolves v Burnley on BBC Sport website & app, Sun 1630 Everton v Tottenham.

Glossary so far:

DIVISION ONE Bosman, Cruyff Turn, Giving the goalkeeper the eyes, Hibs it, The Maradona, Onion bag, Panenka, Rabona, Tiki-taka, Where the kookaburra sleeps, Where the owl sleeps, Where the spiders sleep.

DIVISION TWO Ball stays hit, Coat is on a shoogly peg, Daisycutter, Has that in his locker, Howler, One for the cameras, Played us off the park, Purple patch, Root and branch review, Row Z, Stramash, Taking one for the team, That’s great… (football), Thunderous strike.

UNSORTED 2-0 is a dangerous score, After you Claude, All-Premier League affair, Aplomb, Bag/box of tricks, Brace, Brandished, Bread and butter, Breaking the deadlock, Bundled over the line, Champions elect / champions apparent, Clinical finish, Commentator’s curse, Coupon buster, Cultured/Educated left foot, Denied by the woodwork, Draught excluder, Elimination line, Fellow countryman, Foot race, Formerly of this parish, Fox in the box, Free hit, Goalkeepers’ Union, Goalmouth scramble, Good touch for a big man, Honeymoon Period, In and around, In the shop window, Keeping ball under their spell, Keystone Cops defending, Languishing, Loitering with intent, Marching orders, Nestle in the bottom corner, Numbered derbies, Nutmeg, Opposite number, Park the bus, PK for penalty-kick, Postage stamp, Put it in the mixer, Put their laces through it, Rasping shot, Red wine not white wine, Relegation six-pointer, Rooted at the bottom, Route One, Roy of the Rovers stuff, Sending the goalkeeper the wrong way, Shooting boots, Sleeping giants, Slide rule pass, Small matter of, Spiders web, Stayed hit, Steepling, Stinging the palms, Stonewall penalty, Straight off the training ground, Taking one for the team, Team that likes to play football, Throw their cap on it, Thruppenny bit head / 50p head, Towering header, Two good feet, Turning into a basketball match, Turning into a cricket score, Usher/Shepherd the ball out of play, Walking a disciplinary tightrope, Wand of a left foot, We’ve got a cup tie on our hands, Winger in their pocket, Wrap foot around it, Your De Bruynes, your Gundogans etc.