Why holidays often spark conflict

What causes conflict? Differing ideas and opinions do, but most people can manage it, although extraordinary circumstances, time pressures and stress can click the conflict dial to max for just about anyone. But when you’re dealing with someone with a high conflict personality, you can expect the any gathering, especially holidays gatherings, to have some dramatic or even explosive situations.

In the 2020-21 global pandemic, most people are on edge. Anxiety is high. Arguments over the efficacy of masks; whether vaccines will save you, harm you or kill you; lockdowns as a necessity or a loss of fundamental human rights. These are all important topics and impact almost everyone but only a fraction will end up shouting, slamming doors, ending conversations, throwing phones, and telling you that you’re wrong. It doesn't matter what the topic is, people with high conflict personalities will likely create some conflict around it.

This episode focuses on how to handle the person who wants to discuss and debate over the dinner table. Bill Eddy will give his best tips for shutting those conversations down in an non-confrontational way that will save your sanity and keep the conflict low through the holidays.

The second half of the episode deals with handling loneliness during the holidays, as many parents, grandparents and even kids spend them alone, isolated from the people they love. Whether a regular divorce keeps you from your kids, or a high conflict divorce with alienation has kept you from them for a long time — it’s hardest to cope during the holidays. Bill and Megan touch on these sensitive topics with some helpful information to help you through the holidays and beyond.

Links & Other Notes

BOOKS

• Calming Upset People with EAR
• BIFF
• BIFF for CoParent Communication
• The Courage to Feel
• The High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival Guide

ONLINE COURSE

• Calming Upset People with an EAR Statement

ARTICLES

• EAR Statements for the Holidays
• Handling High Conflict Situations During the Holidays
• Handling High Conflict Situations During the Holidays
• How to Survive the Holidays with an Anti-Social Relative

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan

All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

You can also find these show notes at our site as well.

Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (01:42) - Holiday Conflict
• (02:34) - Tips to Stop Holiday Conflict
• (08:54) - Assumptions
• (09:53) - One More Tip
• (10:37) - A Family of Multiple HCPs
• (12:24) - The Overly Sensitive Person
• (14:34) - The Narcissist
• (15:50) - When Alone
• (24:59) - HCP Whiplash
• (27:54) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Dr. Todd Grande