So I want to pick up a couple of things before we pick up the story. So you, you met Chloe, you got engaged, you got married all while dealing with this. Yes. And you, you kept her in, in the dark, I mean, from your perspective, she knew, she knew something was not right, but you kept her in the dark. What was, what was going on in that side of things? Were you ever afraid, was there performance in that as well? Afraid that if she really knew who I was, she wouldn't

love me?

Yes. I, I think it carried over from how I felt about my parents or my coaches. Well, now it's like I have this, my wife's in my life. And if she knows, so no matter what the relationship really was, unless it was like a, a close friend or a, you know, a guy that I, I did these things with, no one knew who I was, including my wife, because if they knew, yeah, what does that mean? Yeah.

Yeah. So I'm just sure that there are people that are tuning into the podcast, and that's where they are. They feel like I'm, I'm in a situation and if people knew who I really was, that, that they wouldn't accept me, they wouldn't love me. I, I'd lose my job. I'd lose my family or whatever it is. So you, you left us in this last podcast. You went to a counselor and the counselor after a few times said, I can't help you. And you need help. So pick it up from there. What happened?

So the counselor said, you know, JB, you need to go to rehab. And so I, I remember getting on my phone after and I remember I told Chloe and, you know, maybe this is something I need to do. And, and I looked up how long is

a rehab

stay? And it said 12 days. And I was like, oh, I can do that 12 days. Like that's not bad. But what I came to find out that, like,

that wasn't

true at all. It was actually 90 days. Oh. And so once, once Nancy Hewson had told me that it was another two months before I actually went to rehab. And so what had happened and actually just found this out, but what had happened was we had gone and stayed over at my parents one night, maybe mid June of 2022. And I was just in a, I wasn't a bad place, but, you know, I'm trying to figure it out. And I'm, you know, not really living in reality, living in delusion. Yeah. And I remember walking downstairs and my mom and my wife were talking. And it was like whispers.

And I was

like, in my head, they weren't talking about me. They were talking about some other drama or something. But I was like, what are y'all talking about? And they just were awkward. And I was like, okay. And I kind of just forgot about it. And you know, Chloe comes upstairs, you know, an hour later. And I'm like, what were you talking about? And she's like, nothing. Don't worry about it. And I was like, okay. Well, a couple of days go by and we have, you know, it was Father's Day. And it's funny we joke about this, but we all went to Outback. We never go to Outback. I don't know why we chose Outback. But we went there and, you know, I was kind of off my rocker, you know, just not in a good place. I didn't look good. And I could tell something was up with my dad. That was one thing about me is I think with the performance in me, I got really good at telling when something was wrong. Whether in my mom or my dad. Like I always knew they didn't have to say anything. It could be a look. It could be, you know, my mom does something where she breathes like, like I, that is in me to where I know that something's wrong. So like I could tell by my dad's face that something was up. Okay.