I think what Allison was saying before he brought it on the parenting books put on the management books they're actually same concepts which are at the end of the day that's what the realization was. When it came to the two kids on the spectrum particularly my son it was oh this is with my son it almost felt like I was talking to an opaque org as opposed to my daughter so it was like I had an individual my son I had to engage almost like it was he was and expect no information to come back to me because he doesn't communicate. If you could go back to the moment in your career right before you became a parent what do you wish you had done and is it I