Understanding Reactivity and Internal Parts in Conversations

00:00 Intro
01:55 Who is Jessica Fern?
04:00 What is love?
06:00 I wrote this book for love.
08:00 Jessica's finding the language of polyamory
10:00 Paradigms, Mindsets and Social Lenses
11:50 Emotional Wiring from our Conditioned Mindsets
14:00 Polyamory - different ways of understanding many loves
16:15 What are polyintimates? Emotional connections vs. physical
18:00  How to approach difficult discussions around polyamory?
21:00 Parts work - what is it and how to work with our many 'parts/sub-selves'?
23:40 Does everybody have a poly part??
25:30 The Mono-Poly Spectrum
26:00 Ambiamory 
30:00 Poly as a choice, orientation vs philosophy
32:30 Working with Jealousy
38:00 How to deal with attractions to others?
39:00 Attraction vs. Admiring others
41:50 We don't own other's sexuality nor do they own ours
44:30 Current challenges socially with non-traditional relationship styles
47:30 Parenting within a Poly Paradigm
50:20 Monogamous guilt?
51:15 Cautions when dealing with children with partners mono or poly
52:52 Importance of multiple healthy secure attachments for children
54:40 "If you want to fly with eagles, you have to get used to high places."
57:20 Jessica's journey to becoming an author and influencer by sharing her soul's purpose
59:38 Allowing fear, without being ruled by it when making a big leap
1:02:00 Our evolution if we allow it, never ends.
1:04:00 Not being reactive to ourselves - the inner world is diverse and vast
1:05:00 How to work with our inner critic?

I first came across Jessica's work reading her book Polysecure during COVID while working with a couple who identified as Polyamorous and I was feeling at a loss of how to help them maneuver some challenging terrain.  They recommended the book, and I was deeply moved by the depth, heart, and thoughtful wise council and gut wrenching honesty she shared.  I could tell this was a life long mission for Jessica and her courageous exploration of this new terrain in our cultural landscape so impressed me I couldn't wait to learn more about her work and finally she had a break in her schedule to be on my podcast! Whether you identify as poly or mono - you WILL learn from this women's wisdom and compassion as a healer and teacher. 

Jessica Fern is a Psychotherapist, Coach, and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional. Jessica is the author of Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and NonMonogamy, The Polysecure Workbook, and Polywise: A Deeper Dive Into Navigating Open Relationships. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples, and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. 

https://www.jessicafern.com/

Link to Polywise: https://www.amazon.com/Polywise-Deeper-Dive-Navigating-Relationships/dp/1990869149/ref=asc_df_1990869149/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693552282123&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5573493542095631161&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9011687&hvtargid=pla-1943262976306&psc=1&gad_source=1

Link to Polysecure: https://www.amazon.com/Polysecure-Attachment-Trauma-Consensual-Nonmonogamy/dp/1944934987/ref=pd_bxgy_d_sccl_1/147-8704442-1839406?pd_rd_w=iaIaB&content-id=amzn1.sym.c51e3ad7-b551-4b1a-b43c-3cf69addb649&pf_rd_p=c51e3ad7-b551-4b1a-b43c-3cf69addb649&pf_rd_r=RHACKHR99C6JP5JW1HYT&pd_rd_wg=ywsPS&pd_rd_r=cc90e47c-3264-464e-bb6a-68b930c0058e&pd_rd_i=1944934987&psc=1

Michaels work: https://michaeldemaria.com/
Links to Michael's Music, Books and Films: https://michaeldemaria.com/michaels-links/
Link to Michael's Music: https://listen.michaeldemaria.com/mbd