This chapter explores the psychological effects of divorce on children, particularly focusing on parental alienation and its long-term implications. It examines the dynamics of estrangement between adult children and their parents, addressing gender differences and the role of societal changes in family relationships. Additionally, the conversation critiques modern therapeutic approaches and highlights the necessity of empathy in rebuilding these estranged connections.
Psychologist Joshua Coleman, PhD, explores the complex issue of estrangement between parents and adult children, which he terms a “silent epidemic.” He attributes this phenomenon to factors such as increasing individualism, emphasis on personal happiness, economic insecurity, and changing perceptions of parental roles. Drawing from his professional experience and personal journey with his own estranged daughter, Dr. Coleman offers guidance to parents navigating these difficult relationships. His approach focuses on understanding the adult child’s perspective, developing strategies for reconciliation, and finding ways to heal or move forward. Rules of Estrangement provides parents with tools to engage in meaningful conversations and cultivate healthier relationships with their adult children, while also addressing the emotional toll of estrangement.
Joshua Coleman, PhD, is a psychologist in private practice and Senior Fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families. A frequent guest on NPR and Today, his advice has also appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, the Wall Street Journal, CNN, Chicago Tribune and other publications. A popular conference speaker, he has given talks to the faculties at Harvard, the Weill Cornell Department of Psychiatry and other academic institutions. Dr. Coleman is co-editor with historian Stephanie Coontz of seven online volumes of Unconventional Wisdom: News You Can Use: a compendium of noteworthy research on the contemporary family. He is the father of three adult children, has a teenage grandson and lives with his wife in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is the author of The Marriage Makeover: Finding Happiness in Imperfect Harmony. His latest book is Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict.
Shermer and Coleman discuss: estrangement, exploring its causes and effects through personal experiences and societal trends. They examine the impact of divorce, generational shifts, and cultural changes on family dynamics. The conversation covers various factors contributing to estrangement, including individualism, economic insecurity, mental health issues, and ideological differences. They also address the roles of psychotherapy, in-laws, and inheritance in family relationships. The discussion touches on reconciliation possibilities and the long-term consequences of estrangement, drawing insights from recent literature on generational behaviors and mental health.
