The Struggle to Be a Good Wife

Carrie is a brave woman who shares her story of being in a destructive marriage for 26 years and her journey towards healing and finding the strength to leave.
 

1. Early Signs

   • Carrie grew up in Canada but moved to California after marrying her American husband.
   • Her husband exhibited controlling behavior from the beginning of their marriage.

2. It's not as great as it sounds

   • Carrie explains complementarianism, a belief system prevalent in the evangelical church during the '70s and '80s.
   • Complementarianism emphasizes the equal yet distinct roles of men and women within a marriage.
   • The husband is considered the leader, while the wife is expected to be a supportive helpmate.

3. Opening her eyes

   • Carrie gradually realized that her marriage had more significant issues than typical marital problems.
   • Her husband's control extended to decision-making, financial matters, and the personal growth of their daughters.
   • As their daughters entered their teenage years and developed their own opinions, tensions escalated.

4. The Complexity of Identifying Abuse:

   • Carrie struggled to pinpoint the abuse in her marriage due to religious justifications and confusion.
   • Her husband's manipulation of biblical authority and twisting of God's word caused further distress.

5. Seeking Help and Facing Challenges:

   • Carrie and her husband sought counseling from their church due to their daughter's severe anorexia.
   • The church's approach blamed the daughter's behavior on her attempt to exert control, exacerbating the situation.
   • Carrie's husband refused to acknowledge his role and his blame -shifting caused division among their children.

6. Coming to Terms with the Destructive Marriage:

   • Carrie discusses the difficulty of realizing the destructive nature of her marriage.
   • The combination of religious teachings, guilt, and her husband's manipulation made it challenging to identify the abuse.
   • Over time, she began to understand the impact on her children and the need to protect them.

7. The Turning Point and Pursuit of Clarity:

   • A conversation with Leslie Vernick helped Carrie gain clarity and recognize the abuse.
   • Leslie's book, "The Emotionally Destructive Marriage," resonated with Carrie's experiences and offered practical strategies.
   • Carrie describes how she gradually took a stand and made the heartbreaking decision to end the marriage.

8. Coping with Devastation and Rediscovering Self-Worth:

   • Carrie shares her emotions after her husband's cruel actions, such as calling the police on false grounds.
   • The experience shattered her belief in her husband's support and led to a reevaluation of her understanding of God's love.
   • She embarked on a journey of self-discovery, learning to prioritize her and her children's well-being.

9. Empowered by Conquer:

   • Carrie joined Leslie's coaching programs, including Walking in Core Strength and Empowered to Change.
   • These programs provided her with valuable tools to communicate, set boundaries, and regain her sense of self-worth.
   • Carrie highlights the importance of learning to ask non-confrontational questions and gaining clarity in difficult situations.

10. A Path to Healing and Moving Forward:

    • Carrie shares her transformation through Conquer, finding value and purpose beyond her destructive marriage.
    • Despite the challenges she faced, she recognized her resilience and embarked on pursuing her dreams.
    • She emphasizes the significance of understanding one's worth and focusing on personal growth.

Resources:

• Visit www.leslievernick.com/start for a free Quick Start guide that provides clarity on whether your marriage is difficult, disappointing, or destructive.