Speaker 2
I love that. I love how you break that down because as you were talking, I'm thinking like the middle part that president of self talk like there's so much talk about speak kindly to yourself and even like say I love yourself and you can say that over and over again until the cows come home. But if you don't like recover from those early stages, first I always say recovery before discovery. It's like if you don't get into those. Because I think it's easier to say why you're hurt because that's an easy thing. It might be on the like on the top of your mind of like, oh, I was hurt by this and so on and so on and that's a good thing just to get out, but to actually go into what you're haunted about it actually go a layer deeper. Those things aren't usually immediately right on the tip of your tongue or on the surface. Like it takes a bit to think about for a moment. But then once you it seems like once you get those out, oftentimes it's such a relief to get that out because it's been buried. You're like, holy shit, what else do I want to get off my chest? It's like it's like having that. It's like having that really crucial conversation with someone that like you don't want to have as soon as it's over. You're like, all right, who else do I need to talk to? Like what else do I want to because now you opened up the floodgates now it's like, okay, we can get this rolling again. But yeah, I've, when I talked with Megan Henry about that with affirmations, we said that I said I always had a problem with affirmations of just saying, oh, I'm incredible or I'm strong. It's like, well, it's just words. And she said, well, if you attach it to something that you felt strong or incredible about before, then you have a reason why you would feel incredible and you attach the emotion. It's kind of similar on the back end of what you're recovering from into going into changing your self talk. Excellent
Speaker 1
point. And on affirmations, AKA intentions, AKA mantras, right. I believe the best affirmations come from a prior limiting belief, or at least the most impactful limitation for affirmations come from a prior limiting belief. So the reason why I love myself means so much to me might not mean much to other people is because it came directly from my hate myself. Right. And so that's why it means so much to me. And I also think it's really important to meet people where they are with those words. And so I actually have a, I'm glad you reminded me this I haven't done this in a while, but exercise wise, but I've got a list of 100 affirmations. Right. I am this. I am that. I am this. I am that. Right. And I used to very often in sessions read them out loud in the first session or two and have people type out the ones that hit form. And a lot of them are four partners, right. I can deal with my fear. I'm dealing with my fear. I dealt with my fear.
Speaker 2
Right. You know, that's a
Speaker 1
free part. Right. So meet me where you're at. Maybe the first one is I can deal with my fear. And now we go four or five, six sessions or some length of time. And it's like, yeah, I already dealt with it. So I, I dealt with my fear is where I'm at now. Right. And you can see that progression. I'm better. I'm getting better. I'm healed. I'm healing, you know, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 2
Yes. That's, that's. Yeah.
Speaker 1
I've got a great example with this with an injury I experienced where in 2019 I had a really bad back injury. It was the catalyst for me. Shedding the identity of a strength athlete, which took a took a long time for me to do and get over, but was all for good reason. But I found myself, you know, this before I got. I dove into the story work professionally. And so I didn't have all the tools. Right. But I noticed myself staying my back is effed. Just being the gym and be stretching into the tweet. Oh, my back is after I get out of the bed. All my back is effed up. Right. And I was like, huh, okay, this isn't helping. What if I say my back is healed. And that almost made it even worse because I knew it was bullshit. My back wasn't healed. Right. And it like made me mad to even say, you know, I was like, you know, this is not accurate, but, but what I found was I could say my back is healing.
Speaker 2
And that worked. Yes. Or I'm in the process of
Speaker 1
healing my back. That worked. That felt good. One day my back healed. Yeah, that feels good. One day I'll be able to return to physical normal activity again. Yeah. Okay. I'm with that. And so when I noticed myself saying my back is effed, I'd say, nope, my back is healing. I'm in the process of healing. And both those two things felt really good. But if I jump too far to my back is is already done. When I had just twinged it. Nope. Not accurate. And so I had to back down and find that place of where it felt good. That was where I wanted to head that felt truthful, but wasn't negative.
Speaker 2
That is, I love that so much. That is so powerful. And I think it's because it takes things from, yeah, it's a good idea into what really feels most authentic and articulate for you. Like, yes,
Speaker 1
authentic is key. Yes. Yeah.
Speaker 2
And I think that's so powerful in there because it is, you can say all these things where, yeah, I'm incredible versus, well, I'm becoming incredible. Like that hits very differently. It's that power of just a couple words in here. I think that's so strong. I love this because it takes that the whole aspect of building a strong mindset and takes it away from the ethereal stuff of like, yeah, this is all just a good idea to really what is your own personal story? Like anybody who is listening to this, you've had your own unique experience down this path of life, you know, in every different aspect of it. What works for your buddy or your mom or your friend or your neighbor is going to be different than what works best for you. So take these as principles and then do the work individually for yourself and see what resonates. And then you're really going
Speaker 1
to find your answer. 100% 100% and everything is so personal. And I think that we try to, I don't know the right word, but
Speaker 2
we generalize. Yeah,
Speaker 1
one size fits all for things and for people and for healing and for growth and we're all individual, unique human things with individual, unique stories and experiences. And we are all incredibly similar and alike. If we really, really dig down deep in terms of how we feel, how we think, what we've experienced, what our parents and their parents experience that led us to view the world in this particular way. Right, we are not so dissimilar after all. We are very alike. And so I think that empathy really is a key thing and that perspective is a key thing too. That's one of the beautiful things that this work has given me is, you know, I used to have an entirely different view of my relationship with my dad. You know, I thought he sucked, you know, and then I worked enough stories and I was like, Oh, I was actually pretty good. And the grand scheme of things, you know, my dad was a damn good dad, you know, I wish this that or the other had been different. I wish he had done a B and C, you know, and like I could use my new perspective and realize, you know, he's a human being. He did the best that he could and he's a good man. And check, check, check. That's way better than a lot of other folks's situations. You know, so I think that perspective can be very valuable to.
