Have you ever remembered something so vividly that it feels etched into your bones — only to have someone look at you blankly and say, “That never happened”? Have you ever started to wonder if maybe you’re the one who’s losing your mind?

If so, you know the disorienting pain of questioning your own reality.

In this episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, unpacks what happens when your memory becomes the battleground in a relationship with an emotionally immature or narcissistic partner. When every disagreement seems to rewrite history, your sense of truth can start to unravel — not because you’re broken, but because your brain and body have been conditioned to survive confusion.

Tony explores how:

Cognitive dissonance makes you doubt what you know is true
Gaslighting and confabulation distort shared reality
The false self uses denial to avoid shame
Chronic emotional stress rewires your nervous system and memory
Tools like gray rocking and self-regulation help you reclaim peace

Through clinical examples, evidence-based research, and hope, this episode reveals how to rebuild trust in your own perception — and why remembering that you were there is the first step toward healing.

Because waking up isn’t about convincing anyone else what happened, it’s about remembering: you were right to trust yourself all along.

00:00 Introduction: The Fallibility of Memory

00:58 Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships

02:15 The Reality Police: Types of Memory Issues

03:14 Emotional Immaturity and Narcissism

04:12 The Impact of Chronic Invalidation

05:33 Welcome to Waking Up to Narcissism

07:00 Pam and Jim: A Story of Emotional Distortion

11:38 Cognitive Dissonance and Emotional Survival

21:06 Understanding Gaslighting

24:33 A Heartbreaking Misunderstanding

25:58 The Power of Gaslighting

26:13 Confabulation: Filling Memory Gaps

27:08 The Patchwork Quilt of Self-Image

28:18 The Cost of Emotional Immaturity

32:25 Interpersonal Neurobiology and Co-Regulation

35:37 The Impact of Chronic Stress

37:15 Rewiring Your Brain for Peace

45:29 Gray Rocking: A Strategy for Self-Protection

48:20 Reclaiming Your Sense of Calm

Contact Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com to learn more about his Emotional Architects men's group.

And visit https://julie-dejesus.com/cruise to learn more about Tony and his friend Julie De Jesus's "I See You Living" cruise, a 5-night Western Caribbean Cruise from January 24-29, 2026 aboard the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line.

To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch

Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course

You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com

Hunting for Supernatural Compounders with Andrew Hollingworth of HollAnd Advisors

Compounders Podcast

Intro

The AI-powered Podcast Player