How to Transcend Your Pain and Grief Into Your Essence

i think that a really fascinating one in my life has been aestheticizing my suffering, romanticizing my pain. Am making like high poetry out of being a victim. And am, i see now, you know, that i i was looking to transcend. I wanted to go up and out of what it felt like in my body. Wanted to release into something more beautiful and open and loving. It's just that my identification with that tendency, i i learned as i wanted to begin showing up for my life more seriously.