I had an incident where a friend, me best friend, was killed in town. I actually got the phone call from one of me brother's friends to tell him. That was his best friend, you know what I mean? And then that same day, me part, it was like 12 weeks pregnant at the time, lost the baby. Exactly the same day. It was at that point that I thought, I can't live on this earth anymore,. But even then, that was a tough period and again, I put it down as grief. The first time I actually contemplated taking my life. Like, not at that point, obviously. Fortunately, I wasn't for Sam dying -