Lori Gottlieb: Stop Mistaking Calm for Boring! (Follow THIS Simple Rule to Build REAL Love)
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
Should Couples Also Do Individual Therapy?
Jay asks about couples versus individual therapy; Lori explains couples therapy often involves individual work and goals.
When was the last time you felt truly at ease with someone?
Do you feel that kind of ease often, or was it rare?
In this special live episode recorded at the DAR Constitution Hall in Washington, D.C., Jay sits down with bestselling author and therapist Lori Gottlieb to explore the hidden dynamics that shape our relationships. Together, they unpack why so many of us feel the need to “perform” for love and how fear of rejection, perfectionism, and old emotional patterns can quietly erode connection. Lori shares how true intimacy begins with acceptance, not just of our partners, but of ourselves, and why showing up authentically is the only way to feel genuinely seen.
Through humor, warmth, and real audience interactions, Jay and Lori dive into topics like vulnerability, emotional safety, and the balance between “me time” and “we time.” They share how to stop trying to fix or control your partner, how to communicate without defensiveness, and how to build relationships rooted in curiosity and compassion instead of criticism.
This conversation is a reminder that love isn’t about finding someone who reads your mind, it’s about learning each other’s language, embracing imperfections, and creating a safe space where both people can grow.
In this interview, you'll learn:
How to Stop Performing for Love
How to Create Emotional Safety in a Relationship
How to Let Your Partner Be Vulnerable
How to Build Connection Through Acceptance
How to Communicate Without Getting Defensive
How to Balance “Me Time” and “We Time”
How to Love Without Trying to Fix
Love is not a performance, it’s a practice. It’s built in the quiet moments when we choose to listen instead of defend, to understand instead of control, and to show up even when it feels uncomfortable. Every relationship, whether romantic or otherwise, becomes stronger when we replace judgment with curiosity and fear with honesty.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
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What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
00:54 Earning Love Through Real Connection
03:16 Why You Should Speak Up Early
06:51 Creating a Safe Space for Vulnerability
11:20 Can You Love Someone Without Loving Yourself?
13:55 How Acceptance Strengthens Your Relationship
20:37 Compatibility vs. Chemistry: What Matters More?
25:07 Do Couples Need Individual Therapy Too?
28:05 A Live Couples Therapy Session
44:06 Communicate Clearly Not Through Assumptions
47:08 Healthy Ways to Approach Conflict
51:28 Understanding the Many Forms of Love
57:46 Are Both of Your Needs Being Met?
01:01:44 Learning to Embrace and Communicate Differences
Episode Resources:
Lori Gottlieb | YouTube
Lori Gottlieb | Instagram
Lori Gottlieb | Website
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