A lot of the stuff again conditioning but what I will say is like as women or men when we are developing our true selves and like really tethering ourselves to who we who we want to become. While we're doing that we're giving our spouse an opportunity to to decide oh I like that who not sure about thatoh that's not cool right. That's where I think the healing individually for the woman and the man can be so it's like just the total win-win because either way they've like like dropped like they've developed out their own self-concept in a really loving and accepting way, she says.