I remember it got to a point where I had no personhood of doing anything or deciding anything was okay on my own. The power dynamic of the relationship was inverted from an outside perspective in terms of like, I should have had the more of the power. From the outside world, very rough human whose softness was only for me, even though it was few and far between, made me special. Who would want that kind of just low-hanging fruit? Oh my God.

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