Carrie is a brave woman who shares her story of being in a destructive marriage for 26 years and her journey towards healing and finding the strength to leave.
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Early Signs
- Carrie grew up in Canada but moved to California after marrying her American husband.
- Her husband exhibited controlling behavior from the beginning of their marriage.
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It's not as great as it sounds
- Carrie explains complementarianism, a belief system prevalent in the evangelical church during the '70s and '80s.
- Complementarianism emphasizes the equal yet distinct roles of men and women within a marriage.
- The husband is considered the leader, while the wife is expected to be a supportive helpmate.
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Opening her eyes
- Carrie gradually realized that her marriage had more significant issues than typical marital problems.
- Her husband's control extended to decision-making, financial matters, and the personal growth of their daughters.
- As their daughters entered their teenage years and developed their own opinions, tensions escalated.
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The Complexity of Identifying Abuse:
- Carrie struggled to pinpoint the abuse in her marriage due to religious justifications and confusion.
- Her husband's manipulation of biblical authority and twisting of God's word caused further distress.
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Seeking Help and Facing Challenges:
- Carrie and her husband sought counseling from their church due to their daughter's severe anorexia.
- The church's approach blamed the daughter's behavior on her attempt to exert control, exacerbating the situation.
- Carrie's husband refused to acknowledge his role and his blame -shifting caused division among their children.
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Coming to Terms with the Destructive Marriage:
- Carrie discusses the difficulty of realizing the destructive nature of her marriage.
- The combination of religious teachings, guilt, and her husband's manipulation made it challenging to identify the abuse.
- Over time, she began to understand the impact on her children and the need to protect them.
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The Turning Point and Pursuit of Clarity:
- A conversation with Leslie Vernick helped Carrie gain clarity and recognize the abuse.
- Leslie's book, "The Emotionally Destructive Marriage," resonated with Carrie's experiences and offered practical strategies.
- Carrie describes how she gradually took a stand and made the heartbreaking decision to end the marriage.
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Coping with Devastation and Rediscovering Self-Worth:
- Carrie shares her emotions after her husband's cruel actions, such as calling the police on false grounds.
- The experience shattered her belief in her husband's support and led to a reevaluation of her understanding of God's love.
- She embarked on a journey of self-discovery, learning to prioritize her and her children's well-being.
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Empowered by Conquer:
- Carrie joined Leslie's coaching programs, including Walking in Core Strength and Empowered to Change.
- These programs provided her with valuable tools to communicate, set boundaries, and regain her sense of self-worth.
- Carrie highlights the importance of learning to ask non-confrontational questions and gaining clarity in difficult situations.
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A Path to Healing and Moving Forward:
- Carrie shares her transformation through Conquer, finding value and purpose beyond her destructive marriage.
- Despite the challenges she faced, she recognized her resilience and embarked on pursuing her dreams.
- She emphasizes the significance of understanding one's worth and focusing on personal growth.
Resources:
- Visit www.leslievernick.com/start for a free Quick Start guide that provides clarity on whether your marriage is difficult, disappointing, or destructive.
