Yeah

was us we got married all the assumptions were there we had a lot of expectations of one another thinking that our love was enough

not

having any tools and between both sets of our parents there's 12 marriages so we didn't have any kind of healthy role model no conversations of what healthy sex look like or communication and it just came crashing down by year three i mean we destroyed our marriage in three years only three years it was pretty quick it's good that you lasted three years a lot of people blow it up in a year you think that's pretty good see we feel like that was so that happened so quickly but yeah i mean it just got so bad to where um yeah we were we had grown so much deep seated resentment towards one another that we both looked at each other going like we made the biggest mistake of our lives. And

there was a lot of shame around that too. Like we, we didn't really, we've, you don't want to raise your hand and go, Hey, um, I know we just, you guys just came to our wedding, but we're already doing really bad. Like felt very embarrassing for us. So what I thought about, when we started Marriage 365, the avatar that we use is the hopeless and hapless couple, Casey and Megan, of 2003. What

do we need in that season? That's who you're speaking to. That's the people that you identify with, that you were before you learned how to be connected, right? Well, just

to normalize that, I mean, that is pretty typical when you're in chronic states of disconnection, right? You either resentful of your partner because your needs are not being met or the resentment turns inward. That's shame, right? That's how the hell are we screwing this up? And it's only two ways of figuring out being stuck in this place my partner sucks or I suck right and we bounce back and forth between the two yes

and Casey is a fighter and I'm a fighter so I was the pursuer the let's figure this out and and I would of course I felt like I wasn't heard so I just got louder and louder and louder and rage more and he would often retreat I. I mean, he would rage too. He would yell as well, but eventually he would just shut down. To

speaking to that shame, George, I think one of the reasons and the purpose behind Marriage 365 as a community, whether it's on Instagram socials or just within our app is that we're tearing down that wall of shame. And I think sometimes that means that Megan and I have to go first. We have to share our vulnerabilities. And once we share our story, I think a lot of other people, I mean, we've heard it. I'm so glad I'm not the only one that's feeling this way. Because that's a hard place to be, is to be stuck, resentful, and alone and isolated.

You both do a great job of that. I was telling Lori earlier, I don't watch a lot of social media, but some of your videos pop up and it's like a reality TV. It's like in your house and you go out in a bathroom or going to the kitchen sink and like having these conversations. And we know the antidote to shame is connection, right? It's secrecy that keeps it strong that you're willing to do this publicly. It's such a gift to so many thousands and thousands of couples who are watching. I agree. So can we talk about tool? Should we talk about our tools?

Talk about tools. Not that I'm a tool or

I have tools in the bedroom.

Well, really, he's just a piece of meat.

Oh, yeah. That's why you keep telling Megan. My eyes are up here, baby. Oh,

my gosh. Yeah.

I just, I think that tools are really important for couples to have something to work with. Yeah. I think our cultural moment is that we have so many assumptions or we have these, like, expectations that it should all just work out. Why should I talk about something? Like, it shouldn't just become natural to us?

Talk about sex. I mean, we went into marriage thinking, oh my gosh, we should never have to talk about it because it should just be organic and natural. And if we're sexually compatible, it'll just work. Oh, what a

joke we were. Yeah. What did you find with sex that changed? Like, how did you begin to talk about it? How did you know to do that? Well,

one big difference in our own relationship was that I grew up knowing about sex and anatomy and had really healthy conversations with mentors in my life. So I feel like I had a lot more, I would say like an open mind or just more knowledge and education around it. And then Casey grew up in a home where it was just highly religious and conservative. And no one was allowed to ask questions. No one was allowed to talk about it.

And

that really became one of our first and largest issues. Are

you the sexual pursuer? No,

he is. Okay. He is.

Yeah, but it was, but you had more education. You

had more education, but

I had more education. And also a little interesting note about our sex life. I mean, since we just lay it all out there, you guys ready? We're ready. Lay it on us. Casey was a virgin when we got married and I was not. Yeah. So I also knew and had experienced what sex was like and I enjoyed it. And I knew what I enjoyed and he had never had it before. And I respected that. So we had never had any kind of sexual activity when we were dating or engaged until our honeymoon night. Well,

the scripting was that if you save yourself for marriage, then God is going to bless your marriage. That was the scripting that was given

to me. And sex is going to be off the charge because you have done this. Because you waited and you had self-control. Yes.

So there was a lot of questioning that happened by year three of like, how did we get to such a bad place if I had been so obedient?

You know, I want to just say something about that because I talked, I live in the South and there's a lot of young couples that come through my clinic at Awakenings and they, you know, say the same sort of thing. It's like we saved ourselves for marriage and sex is, we don't even know what the big deal is. You know, they don't have enough education to make it good. And they often, you know, question their faith because it's like, okay, I obeyed the rules. God was supposed to bless me and have this fabulous experience, and now it's not happening. And they can be so disappointed, and it really can be jeopardizing to what they feel inside about God. And so, okay, so how did you get out of that? How did you say, okay, maybe this, maybe we need some more education. Maybe we need to talk to each other. What, what spurred you to do that? Okay.

So while we destroyed our marriage in three years and then we started repairing it and healing it, and that's a whole nother side story, but it wasn't until until year seven that our sex life actually improved. And it started with, okay, you guys might laugh at this, but I went to one of those sex toy parties. Yeah. You know, like just the ladies getting together. It was a bunch of moms and, you know, I was introduced to a vibrator for the first time. Like, oh, and I bought one. And it was like, oh, let's do this. And so I remember coming home and we were just kind of joking about it. And again, we were repairing our marriage. You know, we tell people it took us three years to destroy it. It took us about four to five years to repair it. It takes time, right? That's all. It does not happen overnight. It is slow and steady wins the race in marriage. But we were having higher trust levels. And so I brought it up. And I was like, hey, what do you think about this? Yeah. Do you remember your response?