How to Deal With the Complex Emotions of a Christian Relationship

i used to be christian until eighth or ninth grade ish, and then after that i went through this whole rebellious phase. I think the way my relationship was with christianity made my relationship with sects super complicated. Once i kind of did some sexual acts, or participated in sexual activity with my boy friends at the time, i feel like i had this weird combination of like, christian guilt,. Were es i o, you know, it has happened, but then now i just have all this shame to deal with.